Spontaneous, Playful Love

Sarita spent many years in Osho’s community and says that listening to him speak was one of the key things that lead her towards her own self-realisation.

Osho saying it like it is! He answers a question about keeping love-making alive in relationship.

Question: My girlfriend told me I am a little boring, not very juicy, very dependent and a victim. Then I felt very guilty and depressed and utterly unworthy. I began to feel inside me a big no: towards existence, life, love, you. Meanwhile I observed in me this destructive energy and I felt that I somehow enjoyed it! Beloved Master, is it possible to use this energy in some creative way?

Osho : Your girlfriend is very compassionate, because each man finally becomes very boring not a little boring. Do you realize the fact that what you call love is a repetition, the same stupid gymnastics again and again? And in this whole stupid game the man is the loser. He is dissipating his energy, perspiring, huffing, puffing, and the girl keeps her eyes closed, thinking, “It is a question only of two or three minutes and this nightmare will be finished.”

People are so non-inventive that they take it for granted that going through the same actions is making them more interesting. That’s why I say your girlfriend is very compassionate — she only told you that you are a little boring. I say to you, you are utterly boring. When the Christian missionaries came to this country, people discovered that they knew only one posture of making love — the woman underneath and those ugly beasts on top of the delicate woman. In India that posture is called the missionary posture.

India is an ancient land and the birth place of many sciences, particularly sexology. A book of tremendous importance, by Vatsyayana, has been in existence for five thousand years. The name of the book is Kamasutras, hints for making love. And it comes from a man of deep meditation — he has created eighty-four postures for lovemaking. Naturally the love posture should change; otherwise you are bound to be boring.

Vatsyayana recognizes the fact that the same love posture creates boredom, a feeling of utter stupidity, because you are always doing the same thing. He invented eighty-four postures to make the love life of couples a little interesting. Nobody in the whole world has written a book of the caliber of Kamasutras. But it could only have come from a man of immense clarity, of deep meditativeness. What is your lovemaking? If you look at your lovemaking, you yourself will feel that it is all boring.

And particularly for the woman it is more boring, because the man is finished in two or three minutes and the woman has not even started. And all around the world, cultures have enforced in the minds of women that they are not supposed even to enjoy or move or be playful — that is called `dirty’; prostitutes do it, not ladies. Ladies have to lie down almost dead and let that old guy do whatsoever he wants to do; it is nothing new, there is nothing new even to see.

You should not take it as a personal disrespect. Your girlfriend is telling you something really sincere and honest. Have you given her orgasmic joy? Or have you only used her to throw out your sexual energy? Have you reduced her into a commodity? She has been conditioned to accept it, but even this accepting cannot be joyful. You make love on the same bed where you fight every day. In fact fighting is the preface: throwing pillows, shouting at each other, arguing about everything and then, feeling tired, some negotiation is needed.

Your love is only a negotiation. If you are a man of aesthetic sensibility, your love chamber should be a sacred place, because it is in that love chamber that life is born. It should have beautiful flowers, incense, fragrance; you should enter into it with deep respect. And love should not be just an abrupt thing — grab the woman. This hit-and-run affair is not love. Love should have a preface of beautiful music, of dancing together, of meditating together.

And love should not be a mind thing — that you are continuously thinking of how to make love and then go to sleep. Love should be a deeper involvement of your whole being, and it should not be projected by the mind, but should come out spontaneously. Beautiful music, fragrance, you are dancing hand in hand, you have again become small children playing with flowers… If spontaneously love happens in this sacred atmosphere it will have a different quality.

You should understand that the woman is capable of multiple orgasms, because she does not lose any energy. Man is capable of only one orgasm and he loses energy, looks depressed. Even the next morning you can see his hangover, and as he goes on growing older it becomes more and more difficult. This difference has to be understood. The woman is on the receptive end — she has to be, because she has to become a mother, she needs more energy. But her orgasm has a totally different way of happening. Man’s sexuality is local, like local anesthesia.

A woman’s body is sexual all over, and unless her whole body starts trembling with joy, each cell of her body starts becoming involved, she cannot have an orgasmic explosion. So it is not only in your case, it is the case for almost ninety-nine percent of women around the world. The whole situation has to be changed. The woman should not be under the man. In the first place it is ugly — man has a stronger body, the woman is more fragile. She should be on top of the man, not the man on top of the woman.

Secondly, man should remain silent, inactive, so that his orgasm is not finished within two minutes. If you are silent and let the woman go crazy on top of your chest it will give her good exercise and it will bring her to an explosion of orgasmic energy. It takes time for her whole body to warm up, and if you are not inactive there is no time. So you meet, but the meeting is not of beauty, of love, but just utilitarian. Try with your girlfriend what I am saying. You be the inactive partner and let her be the active partner. Allow her to be uninhibited.

Khajuraho statue of woman with kajal stick

She has not to behave like a lady, she has to behave like an authentic woman. The lady is just created by man; woman is created by existence. You have to fill the gap between her orgasms. The gap can be filled in only one way, that you remain very inactive, silent, and enjoy her going crazy. And she will have multiple orgasms. You should end the game by your orgasm, but you should not begin with it. And your woman will not call you a little boring. You will be a really interesting, real wonderful guy who is behaving like a lady!

Keep your eyes closed so that she is not inhibited by your eyes. So she can do anything — movement of the hands, movement of the body, moaning, groaning, shouting… Until she says, “Hari Om Tat Sat!” you are not allowed to be alive, you simply remain silent. This should be the indication. “Hari Om Tat Sat” simply means: this orgasmic explosion, this is the truth. Then she will be mad after you. Right now you must be behaving stupidly, as most of the men in the world do.

The second thing you say: “My girlfriend is saying that I am not very juicy.” So become a little more juicy! To become juicy is not very difficult. The juice of all kinds of fruits is available everywhere. Drink more juice, less solid food. She is giving you good advice and you in your stupidity are thinking that she is condemning you. When she says, “You are very dependent and a victim,” I can see even through your question that she is right.

A victim you are, just as every human being is a victim — a victim of stupid ideologies, which have created strange guilt feelings and do not allow you to be playful. Although you may be making love, you know you are committing a sin and that hell is not far off.

Nobody is where you think he is. Nobody is at home. While making love make it a meditative process. Your whole presence has to be there, showering on the woman you love. The woman has to be there, showering all her beauty and grace on her lover. Then you will not be a victim, otherwise you are a victim. And the most important part will be that you will not feel guilty and depressed. No creative person feels depressed and guilty. His participation in the universe by his creative actions makes him tremendously fulfilled and gives him dignity.

That is the very birthright of every man, but very few people claim it. And there is no difficulty, it is so easy to use energy in creative fields. Paint, do gardening, grow flowers, write poetry, learn music, dance. Learn anything that changes your destructive energy into creative energy, and immediately the big No will become even a bigger Yes. Then you will not be angry at existence, you will be grateful. You will not be against life. How can a creative person be against life, love? It is impossible, it has never happened.

It is only the uncreative people who are against everything. Your girl has raised very important questions for your life. The easiest way would be to change the girlfriend, but I suggest that your girlfriend is certainly a friend to you and that whatever she has said is absolutely sincere, authentic. Be grateful to her and start changing things. The day your girlfriend accepts you as juicy, as interesting, will be a great day in your life. So don’t be a coward and change girlfriends just because this girlfriend creates trouble in your mind, and you want to find some other girlfriend.

You must know of my disciples here. You are fortunate to find a very compassionate girl. Your next choice will be very difficult; she will make you feel absolutely guilty and unworthy. Because what have you done to be worthy? What have you done not to be boring? What have you done to declare your independence? What have you done not to be a victim?

It is time you should do it. You will remain always grateful to your girlfriend. I would like to tell your girlfriend, “Go on hitting this fellow until you are satisfied that he is not boring, but full of juice, utterly interesting, playful, celebrating. You may lose him somewhere on the path of life, but you will have prepared him for some other woman; otherwise the way he is now he is going to torture many women and torture himself.”

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