Ask Sarita: Love, Pleasure and Pain

Sarita loves to answer your questions, so if there’s something you’d like her advice on, please email her and let her know if you are happy for it to be published (you can remain anonymous). Here she answers a question on: falling in love again and again!

Question

Dearest Sarita,

I have been in love with three different men this year. And each time, the love affair has ended, what seems like all too soon! I feel worn out with experiencing the pain each time and feel scared to go into relationship again. Is there a meditation which could help me to deal with these feelings?

Love and blessings,

Sonia

Answer

Dear Sonia

Three love affairs in one year, lucky you!! But I think there is something that could help with the painful side of the experience. There is a beautiful meditation from the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra which says; “Oh Beloved, put attention neither on pleasure nor on pain, but between these. It is a basic fact that if we explore the world of duality very deeply, we find that there is a place where dualities meet. I call this meeting point, the creation principle, or the god principle. We are challenged to live duality very fully, and once we know both sides, to then bring them together in our awareness and discover the miracle that happens when they meet.

You can try it now, just close your eyes and imagine a very painful love experience. Feel it totally in your whole body/mind and emotional network. Once you have anchored this feeling, then move to a very pleasurable love experience. Feel it as totally as possible in your body, emotions and memory. Once this has been anchored, you can try the experiment of what happens within your inner landscape when these two memories merge. Invite them to meet each other in embrace. Something new will emerge out of this meeting. The transformation which happens through the meeting of opposites can be so powerful that it can even bring about satori.

If you are wishy washy and are afraid of pain, then you will also not be able to feel pleasure. The art of life is to feel both very deeply and intensely, and then to shift your focus “neither on pleasure nor on pain, but between these.”

Love Sarita

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