In Profile: What We Want in Bed

Men and women give voice to their raw, uncensored desires about what they love about the opposite sex in bed.

First one couples’ journey into sex – by Kavida Rei, Tantra teacher, author, musician and co-founder of Sensual Spirit and Sensual Soirees

Having written a book on the subject it goes without saying that Roland and I practise tantric sex. You can imagine though that Ro, being a very private man before we met, was a little daunted by the idea of getting into bed with a rather public Tantric Sex Goddess. I mean I blog without restraint about what happens to me sexually, and thousands of readers from all over the world regularly read my blogs.

It wasn’t as if Roland was intimidated by me in a conventional sense. After all he’s had plenty of experience in the sexual arena over the years, including a long and intensive training in Sex Magick. But let’s just say that there were a few hurdles to jump along the way… Fortunately,  we’ve had a lot of wildly mind-expanding, joyous and exhilarating moments to offset the various challenges we faced.

One of the things I enjoy most about our relationship is how adventurous we both are in sex. We love to explore and discover new things together and the best thing of all…we laugh a lot. An important factor in our sexual growth is that we aren’t afraid of making fools of ourselves. He also happens to be a great communicator, which helps a lot. Roland is a courageous warrior who consistently aims for the best, the highest, the most fulfilling… This makes our sex life physically exciting and emotionally rich, as well as spiritually rewarding.

When Roland and I met three years ago I had a desire to learn how to ejaculate and Ro had a desire to learn how to not ejaculate. Two similar intentions, both requiring a lot of practice and above all, trust. Thanks to Roland’s fearlessness, natural curiosity and above all, patience, I have finally, after many years of reading about female ejaculation, learned how to do it, and Ro hasn’t ejaculated for months! This is quite something, considering we make love in some way, shape or form almost every day. Desire is ever-present. The slightest touch instantly ignites intense flames of passion on which we ride to the stars.

Find out more about us.

What men love about women

“One of the things I love about my partner is how good she smells in bed. The lovely scent of an unperfumed woman is soft and sweet, gentle and powerful at the same time.”

What I like most from women in bed is; creativity, sense of fun, confidence – verbal and physical, playfulness, sexiness, ability to surrender and also to take charge and the sensitivity to discern which. Also:

– Presence.
– A loving nature, ability to be with what is.
– Ability to give and to receive.
– A reasonable knowledge of technique in pleasuring a penis.
– Knowing that everything is valid and has its place in sex – gentleness, craziness, anger, laughter – whatever.
– Understanding that sensuality and sexuality can be separate things, and can be mixed.
– That sex can happen in other places than just bed.
– Willing to act on her sexual and affectionate impulses.

When I find this woman……….. ahhhhhh……!!”

“What I like best about women in bed: the moment when things turn ‘animal’; tender, deep, slow penetration with eye gazing; being slapped across the face unexpectedly. “

“What I love about being with a woman in bed:

– The simple pleasure of falling asleep in each other’s arms after making love.
– Touching her naked skin
– Feeling her warmth
– Feeling sexual tension in her body
– Seeing her half undressed
– Giving oral sex – seeing her lying with her thighs wide open
– Looking into each other’s eyes – a lot – while making love
– Hearing her say ‘You don’t have to look at me lovingly, you can look at me with a raw “I just want to fuck you” if you want to’.

A few times in my life I have had girlfriends who have a high libido and/or are easily aroused. Good sex happens easily and it leaves me, as a man, feeling like I am a good lover. However, I have also been in relationships where the approach to sex is always difficult. Unless we end up perfectly aligned emotionally and sexually, something within us rises up and causes us to bounce away from sexual intimacy. It’s a continual effort to find the right way in, past the guards on the gate, but the reward when I get there is great, for both of us. In the past I saw easily aroused women as being ideal; now I prefer the challenge, and to meet the challenge it makes me feel like I’m growing as a man.”

“Naked cuddles is a good start . Kissing is a must have. I love the feel of a woman’s body next to my own. Its’ not always about sex, it’s good just to be loving and affectionate together.”

What women love about men

“Dominant but very present and loving”

“Total presence the biggest turn on, lacking presence the biggest turn off. Beyond that, following energy with playfulness and random unexpected acts. Not being phased if I turn into a bear or panther. Not being phased if I start to cry; it’s usually from a sense of awe. Not being phased if I go into a deep breathing silent stillness hardly moving, I have just dropped deeply into my pineal gland. Not being phased if I emerge from that stillness like a volcano.

In fact, simply not being phased by any shaktiness… Just being presence and witness to it all.

And finally truthfulness. Speaking one’s desires no matter what. Allowing me to be witness and present to the deepest part of you. This melts me like nothing else.”

“Strength, solidness, penetration of body, heart and soul, holding, loving, melting, expanding…..”

“What I love about men in bed……nice muscly arms that enfold you and make you feel safe yet are strong enough to fling you around the room a bit. Kissing soft lips and their probing strong tongues. Their gorgeous manly smell which sends me all a quiver – pheromones intoxicating me. Their strong hands caressing my pale breasts and their (preferably long) hair teasing my body as they go down to worship my yoni. I love a man who enjoys savouring my nectar and is patient and encouraging of me and my pleasure before his own. And oh the sweet, sweet feeling of his lingam penetrating me deep inside melting together is pure heaven.

I love the way they make me feel so soft, welcoming and feminine and love feeling protected by my man. I love his beautiful hard erect lingam and delight in giving him pleasure by taking it between my soft, warm lips. And I love the intimacy of his warm familiar body spooning with mine after we’ve made love. Ah, pure bliss!”

“What I like about shiva: his strength, devotion and gentleness. I love how he paints, sculpts, eats and drinks me, his curiosity, his tidal surges, longing, surrender, beingness and presence, animality, oral symphony, his raw power, how he finally pierces me to transparency, taking me totally and filling me completely. I love his mastery, how well he reads me oh yes – I could go on forever!”

Many thanks to everyone that contributed their inner most desires to this article

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