Tantra Team member Roxana talks of how Tantra touched her at a young age – and then again on her journey deep into love.
Devotion and reverence were qualities that permeated my childhood. Exotic syllables spoken with deep yearning resounded throughout the day in our home. Reciting the poetic prayers of the Quran in Arabic my mother went about her household tasks. As a young child I longed to be in full union with this mood.
Much later as a rebellious eighteen year-old two very significant spiritual experiences occurred which were to cast their mark upon my entire life.
The first was a sudden dropping away of my faith in Islam as it was taught to me. This happened during a conversation with a fellow student where I simply realised with intense suddenness and amazement that I no longer believed in the faith I had grown up with. What further surprised me was that nothing had been taken away from me that my inner mood of reverence to the source of life flourished yet had lost its outer form.
The second experience was that before I ever heard of it, Tantra claimed me! Zen mind, beginners mind, they say – indeed this was the case for me. One of my first sexual experiences took me into the most intense and cosmic orgasm; an experience so expansive and pleasurable beyond anything I had ever anticipated. I could make no sense of it until a few years later I came across a book by Osho and upon reading about Tantric practices I exclaimed yes! This is what happened to me. So how could I not take up this scent and walk the trail to Tantra? Many years later in 2004 I met and fell in love with Vincent, within months we were on retreat with Sarita and Geho. I had found my way back.
Now eight years on having begun to teach Tantra, I look back and see that mysterious hands have guided me each step of my way to this path that all my life experience adds up to this quite naturally. And yet I was the last to know.
Since 1994 I have nourished myself with spiritual practice. Early on it was meditation and Qigong, then Shiatsu and Rudolf Steiner Pedagogy. This was supplemented with my then “bible” Louise Hay’s –You Can Heal Your Life, as I began the journey of helping myself recover from the raging violence and emotional neglect that also characterised my childhood.
This process of healing led me to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. The four-year training was to become a healer but the path was to be healed. From the depths of my being the woundedness, pain and misconceptions of reality emerged. Yes it was chaotic and extremely challenging yet I could feel myself come back to life.
During this time I was teaching at St. Paul’s Steiner School in Islington, London. To be immersed in a community where the care for the child was so impeccable and imbued with reverence was a balm to me. Five years into this part of my journey I met my husband Vincent, who I now teach with, and this relationship, combined with Tantra, took me deeper into layers of my being I had been completely unaware of. I was also nourished by a further three-year study in Non-Dual healing with Jason Shulman – a study which is informed by Zen and the kabbalah and is deeply Tantric. I feel surging creativity and joy as I mould new life from all these experiences.
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