Ask Sarita: Pleasure Beyond Porn

Sarita loves to answer your questions, so if there’s something you’d like her advice on, please email her and let her know if you are happy for it to be published (you can remain anonymous). Here she answers a question on: pleasure beyond porn.

Question

Dear Sarita

After reading an article on your website, I am sending this message to ask you for help. I am now almost 25 years old and I am struggling with premature ejaculation since I can remember. I “finish” practically in the moment I enter a woman, therefore I am not able to engage in a relationship. In order to fight my sexual weakness I have tried several methods including kegel exercises, acupuncture treatment, homeopathic pills, just to name a few, none of them helped at all.

Since my early teenager years I have been masturbating and watching pornography practically every day. Is there anything you can think of that might help in my case? Please tell me if there is, I would greatly appreciate it.

My best wishes to you,

Matthias

Answer

Hello Matthias,

When I read your email, I sense that the problem has probably been brought on by the porno with masturbation. Porno gives a very distorted and cerebral sexuality, which has nothing much to do with the reality of being with a woman. When we masturbate, we are training ourselves how to have sex. If you watch porno, and masturbate quickly to the mental stimulation offered by the screen image, of course this will make you less and less sensitive to what it is to spend quality time with a woman.

I would like to advise you to stop all porno. And when practising masturbation, take it to the point where you feel you are coming close to the edge, but not too close, and then stop. Do something else totally different for awhile, like washing dishes, or going for a walk in nature. Then, later, come back to the masturbation, and again stop before ejaculation, and do something else. As you go on practising like this, by and by, your body will be re-trained to take more time.

It will help to do Tantra groups, of course, and work with women in partner exercises, helping to awaken your sensitivity without moving towards a goal. Just being with a woman in a state of pure presence will help a lot. If you have a lot of anger or other strong emotion arising as a result of stopping the porn, then do the Pillow Beating Meditation, (described in my book Tantric Love) or Dynamic Meditation. The energy that has been tied up in porn, needs to find a new way of being expressed. Only by stopping the porn will you be offering the possibility for this new outlet to be discovered.

I hope this will help you. Let me know how it goes.

Loving Regards,

Sarita

4 responses to “Ask Sarita: Pleasure Beyond Porn”

  1. Stacey says:

    Dear Sarita, thank you for taking the time to read my message.I want to ask you how I can achieve g-spot as well as full body orgasms.Me and my fiancé have got a deep connection and love for each other, however I have not been able to achieve a vaginal orgasm through any technique.I think it is due to my suppressed emotions.I have started doing meditations in order to let go of suppressed emotions and wanted to ask whether tantric sex might help me and my partner to experience more pleasure and even deeper connection between us and what techniques we may use to help me to experience g-spot orgasms.I very appreciate your help.

    Thank you and all the best, Stacey.

    • Sarita says:

      Hello Stacey,
      I recommend that you read my book Divine Sexuality and practice methods listed there. In addition to this, if you can come to a group with me I recommend the Master Lover group and the Empowered Woman training. If you and your partner are able to participate in my couples Soul MateTantra Training, this will be really super.
      You can look on my website for references to all of the above suggestions.
      Love,
      Sarita

  2. Rebecca says:

    Hi Sarita!

    I was so happy to discover your page! I am now 21, but I became sexually curious early on in high school. After my number of different partners and styles of exploration, I am going through a period in my life where I need to be single for a while. During this sabbatical, I am still wanting to practice tantric masturbation to help heal my misguided and misunderstood idea of sex and intimacy.

    You see, I have not yet been able to climax during intercourse with any partner. The act itself feels great, but I get this somewhat dissatisfied feeling of not wanting to stop because I didn’t get to the top or even to the edge..even if hours had gone by, which is exhausting for my male counterpart. I am a very sexual person, but I feel I may be holding back or closing myself off energetically….any advice to help in preparation for the next relationship I am in? Tantric techniques or practices I can engage in on my own?

    Thanks,
    Rebecca

    • Sarita says:

      Hello Rebecca,
      You are indeed very wise to begin your Tantra exploration at such a young age. I feel for you as at your age I was also struggling around the subject of orgasm and this took me on a very deep Tantric journey into pure ecstasy. I am so grateful I began this search at a young age and I am sure you will be too! To begin, I recommend you read my book Divine Sexuality. If it is possible for you to participate in a Tantra group with me, I recommend the Empowered Woman’s Training and also the Master Lover group. These will propel you in a very positive direction! I look forward to hearing how you get on and also to meeting you someday.
      Love,
      Sarita

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