Ask Sarita: Sensual Love

Sarita loves to answer your questions, so if there’s something you’d like her advice on, please email her and let her know if you are happy for it to be published (you can remain anonymous). Here she answers a question on: sensual attraction.

Question

Dear Sarita,

I have the most wonderful man I could ever imagine in my life who wants to be with me. We connect deeply on almost every level and there is great love and affection between us. However, although I can see he is an attractive man and I feel energetically connected to him, I don’t feel the sensual connection to him that I have experienced with some other men and that is so important to me. The sad thing is, that he does feel that connection to me.

It’s not that I don’t find him attractive, it’s just that there is something lacking – somehow I don’t ‘get’ the way he gazes into my eyes and I am not turned on by the way he kisses me. So sex is pleasurable, because there is so much love and I really like his body and the way he smells, but I wonder if I could ever feel as sensually aroused and attracted to him as I would like.

So I wondered, is this something that Tantra could change?

Thank you so much for your thoughts!

Aleire

Answer

Hi Aleire,

Yes, the chemistry between two persons is important for a sexual relationship. And, as you have pointed out, it is not the only thing that matters. Deep love and intimacy are also very important. It is very rare that we have all in one package immediately. It takes work to cultivate multi-faceted fulfilment in relationship.

Through Tantra work with couples, I have seen many miracles. Relationships that were floundering have been able to move into a wonderful direction full of love and fulfilment. It can also happen that couples realise they are not meant to stay together. Whatever the situation, the journey is the goal.

The Tantra journey itself is so very beautiful, deep and nurturing, that it is well worth taking that direction if you are called by it. It is not so common that people meet someone who is willing to take this journey together and if you are with someone who you adore in so many ways, it could be that you can discover fabulous lovemaking together. I have seen this happen in the training as well. Couples who had love, but not necessarily hot chemistry, found ways to enhance their sexual union to such an extent that sexual fulfilment flowered for them.

If you like the way your partner smells, this is a great bonus. Smell is actually one of the main deciding factors in whether a relationship can survive or not. We are, after all, mammals!

Blessings and love,

Sarita

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