Ask Sarita: Finding Love

Sarita loves to answer your questions, so if there’s something you’d like her advice on, please email her and let her know if you are happy for it to be published (you can remain anonymous). Here she answers a question on: finding love

Question

Dear Sarita,

I’m a 27 year old student, and sometimes I feel very strongly attracted to women, but I have always failed to move forward from this strong attraction towards physical relationship.

In one case, even though we were both attracted towards each other for two to three years, I could not dare to communicate how I felt and I feel I am missing something very valuable … LOVE.

The same story has repeated in my life 2-3 times with others. As I am listening to my Beloved The Master for 18 months, I am comfortable at some level, but still something pulls back. Being in Indian closed culture, education and society may have created or helped this resistance more.

I am working on my relationship with my mother and its impact but I also want to relate with someone special physically, psychologically and at the soul level too. So please guide me.

Love Arvind

Answer

Hello Arvind,

Physical attraction is natural. When attraction happens not only sexually, but also on the levels of heart and soul, then it is definitely a good idea to move forward with it. In nature, it is the male who moves towards the female. This can be very hard for the man, as he may have fear of being rejected. But it is something each man needs to go through if he wants to play the game of love. An easy way to approach a woman is to let her know that you find her beautiful. You may like to mention what sparkling eyes she has, or what a lovely smile. You may compliment her on her clothes. Women have a way of showing their interest in an indirect way. She may smile or laugh a lot while near to a man she likes. Or she may be quite preoccupied with adjusting her clothing or hair, pretending not to notice the man she is attracted to. It is good to remember that women spend hours and money on hair, makeup and clothes. Why is that, do you think? It is to be noticed by men! If you do not notice women and pay them compliments, it is insulting to them. Of course there are refined ways of paying compliments and there are more gross ways. The more poetic and playful ways of approach will support a woman in relaxing and opening up to you.

Once you sense she may be interested, you can say, “I would like to spend some time with you. Would you like to spend some time with me?” This is a great opener, because it expresses your interest, and is leading the way for a meeting to happen in any way that feels right for both.. Spending time could mean so many things, such as a cup of coffee, a film, a walk in the park, or other myriad ways of getting to know each other.

If you feel awkward in your body, and don’t know how to be comfortable around a woman, then it is very helpful to learn to dance. Bollywood, Salsa, Tango are all great forms of dance to learn ease and fluidity of movement and ease with having a woman in your arms.

I remember in Osho’s ashram, at a certain point there were more women than men and the men were becoming very lazy about courting women. The women found themselves in a position of having to chase the men. Osho gave a discourse in which he admonished the men to begin chasing the women. I heard him say that it is not natural or right for women to chase men and that the men should honour nature’s way of flirting and courtship.

It is good to remember what a beautiful game flirting and courtship is! Remember Krishna and his Ras Leela! Let life and Love be a celebration. As you get older, you will look back and be grateful that you really went for it and lived your life to the full. You can write back to me when you have gathered your courage and moved forward in your courtship. I will enjoy to hear how you are progressing.

Love Sarita

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