Tantra for Adolescents

I am receiving an ever-increasing number of requests from Parents to offer Tantra teachings to adolescent children, in order to give young people a positive life approach to begin adult life with. When people who are already in their 30s or 40s begin the study of Tantra, they invariably say: “If only I had learned this when I was a teenager, how much happier I could have been in my life!”

Sarita in the Sarovaram gardensThe only thing, which has held me back from offering groups to adolescents, is the fact that they are under age and if any teachings on sexuality are to be offered, these would have to be done with the presence of the parents and or approved by the school authorities.  Yes, Tantra Teachings are urgently needed for young people, and I hope that there will be someone who is willing to wade through all the red tape necessary to achieve that goal. I am happy to teach to young people and will simply need someone who can organize this to become possible under the current societal structure!

I have just heard that a documentary was shown in the UK a few days ago where a Belgian sexologist visited a school in northern England for several weeks and worked with a group of sixteen 15-16 year olds teaching them about sexuality. You can see a clip below or watch the full documentary here until 5 September. So a sign that things are beginning to change, although not fast enough for most teenagers.

In my book Divine Sexuality, I offer teachings for all ages, including adolescents. A good place to begin Tantra initiation is to read this book. Many parents have informed me that they have left Divine Sexuality lying around the house, available for their teenage child to pick up and read.

And recently, I have received a series of questions from some adolescents seeking answers to burning questions about life, love, sexuality and spirituality. This newsletter is devoted to answering these questions, which by the way also have relevance to adults!

Q) “What is the link and the difference between brahmacharya (celibacy) and Tantra? As we all know, in the brahmacharya tradition, sex is something “evil.” And in Tantra tradition, sex can be a door to the inner divine.”

A) To answer this question, I offer a quote from the autobiography of Nikos Kazantzakis, called ‘Report to Greco’ Nikos Kazantzakis is the author of Zorba the Greek, a book much loved by Osho. He based his vision of Zorba the Buddha on this book.

Nikos Kazantzakis searched his whole life for a wise man (such as Osho) who could offer a vision for humanity bridging sexuality and spirituality, earth and sky. He did not find such a one, but his cry for wholeness came to its fulfillment through Osho. It is unfortunate Kazantzakis never knew about Osho or Tantra and how this life approach has discovered the portal to God through humanity and all that is represented in humanity.

indexIn Report to Greco Nikos Kazantzakis tells of his meeting with an aged sage who lived in the monastery of Mt. Sinai. In the deep night, hidden in his room with no one to spy or to listen, he transmitted his wisdom to Kazantzakis, gleaned from a lifetime of prayer, fasting, and celibacy.

The old sage said: “Listen, therefore and bear firmly in mind what I am going to tell you. I am sure it will help you.” He stopped for a moment, half closed his eyes and glanced at me through his eyelashes as though weighing me. “I wonder if you can stand it,” he murmured.

“I can, I can”, I answered with impatience. “Speak freely, father.”

“Angels are nothing more than, do you hear! Nothing more than refined devils! The day will come—oh if only I could live to see it—when men will understand this, and then…”

He leaned over to my ear. For the first time, his voice was trembling.

—“And then the religion of Christ will take another step forward on earth. It will embrace the whole man, all of him, not just half as it does now in embracing only the soul. Christ’s mercy will broaden. It will embrace the sanctity of the body as well as the soul. It will see, and preach that they are not enemies but fellow workers. Whereas now, what happens? If we sell ourselves to the Devil, he urges us to deny the soul. If we sell ourselves to God, he urges us to deny the body. When will Christ’s heart grow sufficiently broad to commiserate not only the soul but also the body and to reconcile these two savage beasts?”

I was deeply moved.

“Thank you father for the precious gift you have given me”.

“Until this moment I have sought a young man to whom I could entrust it before I died. Now, praise the Lord, you have come. Take it. It is the fruit of my entire apprentice to flesh and spirit.
“You are rendering up your entire life. Will I be able to carry it further and turn it into light?” (Pages 302 and 303)

When celibacy (Brahmacharya) is praised as an ideal, it creates schizophrenia in the human mind, leading to untold suffering for millions of people.  I believe that the reason sex has been condemned is simply a power game. If you cut someone off from his or her sexuality, they shift from their wild, untamed nature to being like a castrated bull, an Ox. The ox becomes docile and can be controlled very easily because it is cut off from its genital aliveness.

In a more exalted society, the joy of sexuality will be nurtured as the soil which gives rise to flowers of consciousness. How can the lotus of consciousness grow if there is no mud to nurture its roots? And how can we hope to experience cosmic orgasm if we have not experienced the ecstasy of physical orgasm? The search for God is futile if we have not embraced God within our own body.

Q) “Although I cannot take part in your retreat, I am interested in Tantra and I hope that someday I will master it. I found there are several links between Tantra and traditional Taoist Love Techniques. I also read books by Genshen Chunpei Rinpoche, a rare Tibetan monk who writes books on Tantra. His book Tibetan book of Love has impressed me a lot. I hope that I can find the inner links and get the essence of different traditions. And as a beginner and teenager, how can I begin my way to Vigyan Bhairav Tantra?”

Shiva ShaktiA) It is so wonderful that you are discovering your interest in Tantra at such a young age. This will ensure that your journey through life will be one of blissful aliveness and wisdom. It is very good you are reading books from various sources on Tantra. In this way, you will begin sensing the lineage that calls to your heart and soul. Each lineage has valuable jewels to offer.

For studying the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, I recommend that you read the Book of Secrets by Osho and also get my online course course on this subject. When you are 18 or over, you can come and participate in the Tantra Meditation Retreat that I teach in Osho Nisarga in Dharamsala, India each year. In terms of a meditation that will help you in daily life from the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, I recommend the following to begin with:

“When in worldly activity, keep attention between two breaths, and so practicing, in a few days be born anew.” (pg. 63 in the Book of Secrets)

Osho’s angle on this meditation is that it will support you in seeing this world as a drama with yourself as an actor. It needs to be practiced continuously, that is why it is done while in worldly activity. The way to do this meditation is self-explanatory. However, it will be helpful if you practice this as a 20 min. or 40 min. sitting meditation at first and then gradually begin integrating it into your daily life.  As you sit with straight back and closed eyes, you can breathe normally, and simply bring your attention to the space between two breaths. The space in-between will remind you of the gap, the void space, which is inherent as an integral part of life.

Just as you breathe in, meaning life, so also there is the outbreath, offering a small death. Life is constantly oscillating between life, death, waking / sleeping / and other polarities. When we place our attention on the gap, it creates a kind of detachment while in the full activity of life. Gradually, life will appear as a drama, or a comedy, with you as an actor, enjoying the show but not getting identified with it. As Osho says, “Be in the world, but not of the world.”

Practice this for a couple of months and then let me know how you are getting on.

When young people are starting out in life, they are taught to become very identified with achievement and success. This is the beginning of a stressful life. If young people learn meditation, then life will automatically be more fun, because you will recognize worldly activities as a game you are playing for your own amusement, or to fulfill your deep creative passion. When we meditate, we attune ourselves to the frequency of our soul. Following our own unique soul calling is the only way we can truly discover fulfillment in life.

Q) “I have been interested in sex from a young age. I learned about sex by watching porn (at age 10) and since then have been addicted to porn. I have tried to have sex with girls, but I am unable to enjoy it unless I fantasize about all the porn stars I have inside my head. Someone told me recently that it is dangerous to be addicted to porn and that I could become impotent by doing this. Is this true? If so, what can I do about it? I am 16 years old and am scared that I am damaging myself. Please help me to choose a positive direction for my sexual expression.”

A) First of all, I would like to really praise you for reaching out and asking for help about your porn addiction. It is true that porn is a negative habit and can cause impotence if practiced to an extreme for too long. It has been found by an Australian study that 50% boys between 10—20 years of age are porn addicts and that by the age of 20 a large percentage of these have become impotent.

You can watch this Ted Talk by Gary Wilson of Glasgow to give you some valuable information, which will be of help.
TED X The Great Porn Experiment

There are millions of young people now trying to come off porn and so you are not alone. The bottom line is, porn is a business and the more addicts it has, the more money it makes. Through a process of over stimulation leading to de-sensitization of the brain and body, the porn user’s life is at risk of being ruined, with little or no possibility of sustaining an intimate relationship with a real live woman.

As an antidote to this scenario, do everything you can to let go of porn and cultivate real and meaningful relationships. It is important to understand that the way most porn depicts women and men in a sexual situation will not help you to become a good lover. It is training you to be the worst possible lover, particularly because women are demeaned with porn and woman’s sexuality is portrayed in a very unrealistic way.

Positive directions for you will be:

Osho Dynamic Meditation

Dance

Get Trained in Dance such as Tango or Salsa, allowing fluid and joyful movement of the body while in intimate contact with women.

Learn Massage: as this will train you to enjoy sensitive ways of touching and being touched.

Learn Tantra in whatever way you can, whether that is with books, videos or groups. Remember, there are many ways Tantra is taught in the world and it is good to choose a Tantra style, which merges sexuality, love and spirituality. If there is not a spiritual component in the Tantra you find, it is better to move on. Tantra in its true manifestation will always include meditation.

Be with nature: Being in nature is one of the best ways to return to being in tune with our inner nature. This could take many forms, such as working on an organic farm, or trekking in gorgeous nature areas, or swimming in the sea. Leaning your back against a tall, strong and healthy tree and asking the tree to bring you into balance will be a powerful way to find equilibrium between body heart and soul.

Q) “I was sexually abused as a child and find it scary to connect with men. I am attracted to men and long to have a fulfilling sexual relationship, but what happens is that I cut off from my feelings and in order to avoid a scene with my boyfriend, I fake orgasms. I hope you have good advice for me to get over my problem.”

A) Thank you for having the courage to ask this question. Sexual abuse is devastating in whatever form it takes. It is important to receive healing for this, taking the time you need to recover from the damage to body and psyche. It is important that you share about your experience with your boyfriend, being very honest and not ashamed of how this manifests in you. Let him know that you tend to disengage from feeling and are now on a path to healing this.
What will help is:

Cranial Sacral Sessions, particularly with practitioners who are able to maintain the degree of sensitivity and ethical holding needed to heal abuse. Nisarga is one such practitioner.

Colour Light Therapy: Sexual Abuse Treatment  – practitioners you could contact include Roshani (France) and Soham (UK)

Read my book, Divine Sexuality, and practice the Self Pleasure Exercise, which is explained there.

Read the book: “Vagina, A New Biography” by Naomi Wolf

This will offer you insights, which will help you in your sexual life in myriad ways.

You did not say your age in your email. When or if you are already 18 or older, find a way to participate in a Tantra Group. I recommend my group Master Lover and also the Empowered Woman’s Training. Both of these will kick start your sexual discovery and intimacy in a very positive way.

Q) “I am a parent with teenage children. Having participated in your Tantra Groups for several years now, I would love to be able to offer my children such a positive way of developing sexuality and keys to a joyous life as you offer in your groups. Please give me some tips to help.”

A) I will offer keys that will help parents and will also help teenagers (in case you are a teenager reading this!)

10 Keys for Teens:

1. Learn Meditation. This will open up the central channel from sex to spirit, and as you move into sexual exploration it will help you to experience full body orgasmic states.

2. Learn to self-pleasure in a way that is slow and increases ecstasy for hours on end. This will function as a training to nurture your body into long lasting and pleasurable sex with a partner.

3. Take care of your body as a temple of the divine. Avoid junk food and junk media. It takes about 10 years for the body to show the results of bad food and negative programming. That is why you see people of 30 plus already looking like they are going downhill. It is not inevitable. It is the direct result of how they behaved in their teens and 20s.

Just as you would care for a garden, waiting patiently for it to produce flowers and fruits, in the same way, it is needed to take care of your body. Eat organic and avoid processed sugar, white flour, white rice, fried foods and junk foods. Make super-food green smoothies, and move towards a vegetarian and vegan lifestyle. Practice yoga or qigong or other forms of holistic exercise. Your body and mind will thank you by performing at an optimum for life!

4. Birth Control and safe sex: In our days, it is a fact that many sexual transmitted infections are being passed around, some with very serious consequences. It is necessary to practice safe sex, meaning use a condom every time unless you are in a long-term committed relationship with the one you are having sex with, and there is a clear agreement that with any other sexual partners, condoms will be used. If you don’t know how to put on a condom, practice on a medium sized cucumber.

In my book Divine Sexuality, I have devoted a chapter to birth control. It is important to read the facts about the many different possibilities that are out there and choose wisely. I recommend the Honey Cap, and the Rhythm Method combined with Condoms. These are methods, which will not damage the body while preventing pregnancy.

5. Learn Massage. The art of massage is an important and necessary life skill for everyone. This is because if you would like to experience life and lovemaking at its optimum you will need to know how to give and receive quality touch. Many adults have told me that school did not prepare them for the things that are really important in life, such as how to be happy, how to move into intimacy and how to experience quality sexual union. If these areas are not cultivated, nothing else feels fulfilling.

6. Emotional Release and Emotional Fluidity. When our emotions are in stagnation it creates a life of hell. When we understand how to free up our emotions in a conscious way, we can open up to much more pleasure and joy as a result. Osho Meditative Therapies and Osho Active Meditations are really good for this.

7. Breath, Movement and Sound. In general, to be fully alive and in the flow with our energetic potential, we need to open up breath, movement and sound. Anything that can develop these areas is great, whether that be dance, breath work, emotional release or singing and toning.

8. Avoid plastic surgery. The desire to fit into the status quo is very strong in adolescence. It is really unfortunate that the status quo in the minds of many young people may be a model who is anorexic, or has had multiple plastic surgery to face, breasts and even her genitals. These are all ways of physical mutilation and will have the effect of greatly diminishing your ability to feel pleasure. How you feel about yourself now, as a teenager will change as you continue growing.

A woman’s genitals continue developing till she is about 25 years old and the peak of a woman’s sexuality is when she is around 30 years old. If you feel you don’t like your body, this may be due to the fact that you are still developing and have not yet arrived at your ultimate physical form. Begin a positive lifestyle approach as listed above and you will soon discover the beauty, sensitivity and ecstasy of your physical form.

9. Cultivate quality sexual exploration. It you are a man searching for a woman or a woman searching for a man, it is wise to ask him or her a question before moving into intimate sexual exploration. The question is: “are you skilled in Tantric Lovemaking or are you ready to learn Tantra?” If he or she says no, then don’t waste your time with this person. When we have too many low quality sexual meetings, it creates depression and a feeling of giving up. On the other hand, if we learn Tantra and practice this with lovers, we will gain more and more capacity for expansive ecstasy states.

The word has to get out on the street that Tantra is the way to go. This message begins with you. Getting this message out there will help you, and in the long run, will help the whole of society to move towards a life of happiness and fulfillment.

A man’s peak of sexuality happens around the age of 18 and a woman’s peaks at around the age of 30. Because of this difference in men and women’s sexuality, some ancient cultures used to offer sexual training to young people by an older and more experienced love partner. It can be a good experience to learn about sexuality from someone more experienced, particularly if this person is a Tantric practitioner and adept. If you decide to move in this direction, always get to know the person first, making sure they have integrity.

Alternatively, two young people may get together and explore Tantra, studying and applying Tantric Arts as an integral part of their lovemaking experiences.

10. Tune in to your heart before going all the way.
Many people leap into sex before getting to know the person they are going to bed with. Some people believe that just because they go on a date with someone, it means they are expected to have sex with them. It is really important to tune into your heart and to sense deeply in your body if you are meant to engage sexually with this person or not. If your heart feels it is expanding and growing wings then this indicates a positive direction. If your heart feels as if it is shrinking and in a protection mode, then this is not a good direction for you.

Loving and respecting yourself is important. It may sound like an unusual idea, but if you are interested in someone, and want to come closer to them, it is really lovely to just be together and hold each other for a night, without having sexual union, feeling into the energy of how you merge on an energy level before engaging sexually. Or, it can be wonderful, to lay down in a park and look at the stars. Or go dancing together and feel each other in that way. Or exchange some massage, sensing how it is to touch and be touched with this person. Take your time to get to know this person before engaging in sexual union.

Tantric Sexuality and Adolescence

If by reading this blog any other questions come to mind, you are welcome to ask them and I will answer it in the next newsletter. You can add a comment/question at the end of this blog or email me at asksarita@tantra-essence.com . This subject of Adolescence and Tantra is an ongoing discussion. I am sure we will be exploring this subject for years to come.

The importance of sexuality for adolescents should not be overlooked but rather embraced as being of tremendous importance for launching a young person into life. Personally, as an adolescent, I was helped beyond measure in being guided by Osho in awakening my full sexual potential.  It is for this reason, that I offer some succulent quotes and methods from Osho on Tantric Sexuality in this month’s newsletter. Please read each quote carefully in order to receive his essential transmission on the subject.

Gradually, the importance of Tantra as a training for a fulfilled life will reach to the mainstream and people everywhere will be benefited.

You might also be interested in my blog post A Tantric Education

7 responses to “Tantra for Adolescents”

  1. Daniel says:

    Hello

    I can not play video from link. I have tried to run from two devices. Does anybody experience same problem?

  2. prashanth says:

    Beloved guru ma, I have this confusion, that tantric sex can give you a glimpse of samadhi I.e., satori or savikalpa samadhi but cannot give you the whole samadhi I.e., nirvikalpa samadhi . For whole samadhi one must be without any desires not even the desire for samadhi must be there. Osho says tantra is about consuming sex through sex i.e., one must go beyond sex some time is it not? In the book sex to superconcisousness osho say if the coitus can be continued for 3 hours the desire for sex will disappear forever. You never talk of going beyond sex why?

    • Sarita says:

      Hello Prashanth
      There has been too much sexual repression in the world and therefore I focus on helping people to experience the best sex of their lives, including 3 hour sex. Through this, and as it is practiced in deep meditation, very naturally a person will experience transcendence without any belief being involved. It is a recipe which works miracles!
      Love, Sarita

  3. Isabelle says:

    Dearest friend,
    I am Isabelle, a 44 years old woman. I would love to have a advice from you..i have been suffering from panic attacks for 15 years now…. It can happen anywhere, whatever i am doing…i feel dizzy, panicky, my Blood pressure incresases, and I don’tknow what to do when it happens except taking medecine.. need your so precious advice ????I love you,
    Isabelle

    • Sarita says:

      Hello Isabelle,
      Panic attacks can be healed through Cranial Sacral Therapy and also through Colour light Therapy. These are often connected to the birth trauma or past life trauma unless you have had an accident at some point and your energy got stuck there.
      Where are you based, and I may be able to recommend someone in your area.
      Love,
      Sarita

  4. Arvind says:

    Thank you soo much…!

    For The Great & Valuable Blessings Ma !

    Thank u.

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