Ask Sarita – Multi-partner relationship

Question: “I am a woman and my long-term partner has announced that he feels he is in an old-fashioned style of marriage and he wants to have freedom to explore with other women. I am devastated. However, if I tell him the truth, that I really don’t want a multi-partner lifestyle, I am terrified I will lose him. I am in great anxiety and really don’t know what to do. Please help me.”

Answer: This, or similar questions are being asked to me on a regular basis. The world is changing. Previously people used to be married to one person, have affairs and keep it secret. Now it is the fashion to experiment with polyamory, swinging, play parties or various ways of experiencing multi partners. Often, a man will be the one who is eager to try this lifestyle and to convince his woman that it is in the best interests of their ‘evolving relationship’ to go for such an experiment.

Often, the woman hates this idea but if her man is insistent enough, she may be convinced that she should be open to it. I have rarely met a woman who really wants a polyamorous lifestyle. This is because women are normally interested in going deeper into intimacy and love while men may have a desire to play the field, thus spreading their seed far and wide. Honesty in any relationship is essential if you wish to continue growing together. It is important to share together about what is arising for both of you and to find a win-win way forward, where both partners feel fulfilled on their life path. In this answer, I am offering a creative way forward for you which will benefit both of you tremendously. You can try it and then let me know how it goes.

I have observed that in communities where polyamory is a norm, the women gradually lose their femininity and thus eventually become unattractive to the men who are into multi partners. The men then continuously seek ‘fresh meat’, meaning, young innocent women who are not yet corrupted by the multi partner belief system. I use the word corrupted, because anything which convinces someone not to live their truth, but to subscribe to a lifestyle which is based on brainwashing the person into something they are not, is corruption.

These words may seem harsh, but it is important to offer a reality check.

Normally, the men who are seeking a multi-partner lifestyle are those men who shy away from deep intimacy. Perhaps they have never tried going deeply into love as a spiritual path. By this I mean, a relationship which dives deeply into the practice of Tantra meditation as a couple. Through this practice, the deepest longing of both man and woman is fulfilled.

A man does not know what he is missing by flitting around like a butterfly to different flowers. He has never tasted the nectar of dying into love as meditation and so has no idea about it. He has to be lured onto the Tantra path. Once he has tasted the sublime ecstasy of Tantra as a spiritual path, where sex, love and spirituality merge, there is no turning back.

Once a man experiences full body multi orgasmic ecstasy and recognises his partner as a Goddess and himself as a God, he realises what he has been missing his whole life. He has been running here and there, looking, searching, while all along the answer was within.

There is a certain point where Tantra carries us into the realm beyond biology. It achieves this by taking us through the portal of biology and our instinctual nature and from there, launching us into super-nature. The day this happens, the koan of life is solved. We understand the cosmic joke. The fulfilment generated by this experience is so complete, that our thirst is finally quenched.

As far as I know, the 7 level Tantra Soul Mate Training I have been offering to couples since 1998 is one of its kind in the world. It offers an experiential answer to the longing of lovers to unite body and soul. Yes, it takes dedication to practice the Tantra Methods I and my team are teaching, but it is certainly worth it. As this teaching is offered in levels, there is time in-between each level to practice a series of Love appointments and afterwards to let go of the practice and come into a more hedonistic way of being. At each level of the training, a new series of love appointments is offered and after completing these, again a space of letting go. And so it continues for 7 levels. Both the intensive practice of the Tantra Meditations and the letting go phase are essential, as this supports a gradual dissolution of ego-based mind and a gradual opening into the fullness of unity consciousness. Over time, you will not even be able to recognise those old ego patterns that used to run the show. This gives more space for Love.

In answer to your question, I suggest you try and convince your partner to do the Tantra Soul Mate training with you. You can tell him that as he has never tried such an experiment of diving into Tantra for lovers as a spiritual discipline, you are now challenging him to give it a try. If after 7 levels, he still wants to have a multi partner lifestyle, then you will give him your blessing (with or without you depending on your truth in that moment). But at least, he can muster the courage to give Tantra in Intimacy a try. If he answers that he is already Tantric and doesn’t need to be taught how to be a good lover, just let him know that Tantra is much more than just about sex. It is about ultimate transformation, from sex to superconsciousness.

If he refuses your invitation then it will become obvious that he is not the right partner for you. In such a case, thank him for everything you have experienced together and bless him on his butterfly path. And then you can look for a man who has enough courage to accept your invitation. However, if he loves you, it is entirely possible that he will accept your invitation and your relationship can move to a new level. Let me know how it goes.

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