Ask Sarita – the Desire to Please Others and Female Genital Release

Question No.1

“I carry guilt that I do not meet the expectations of those around me. I want to act as I wish. As long as I remember, I never wanted to cause any trouble to anybody – parents, friends, colleagues, etc. Now, as I grow and develop on the Tantra path, I can feel that my decisions and my actions cause problems for others. I feel guilty – I want those close to me to be happy. It probably sounds crazy but I have no other experience in my life, I`ve been brought up like this – act so that everybody around you is as happy as possible and do not cause any disappointment! If you have some guidance for me to move out from this specific ‘trap’ I`d gladly follow your insights.”

 Love and warmest greeting 

Answer:  The desire to please others while denying ourselves, usually comes from childhood. It is good to identify those memories linked to this feeling and to rewrite your inner script.

 In reality, the best way to help others be happy is to follow your bliss. Live according to your unique soul calling! Your fulfilment will spread into your auric field and people will be benefitted by it. 

This state of being is like a glorious rose. The rose opens and releases its fragrance, never bothering whether there is someone there to appreciate it or not. And most certainly, the rose does not look around guiltily to see if someone will be offended by its opening and releasing its fragrance. The rose is programmed by nature to be beautiful, with a highly erotic scent.

In the same way, each being has a natural direction and creative expression which is in tune with their soul calling. This is so miraculous! 

Celebrate yourself and you will cause celebration in the world. Love yourself and you will send ripples of love into each and every heart. Be your own unique self and you will be offering an example to others to discover their uniqueness.

Existence wanted you here as you are. Be grateful that you have been found worthy of life in human form. Discover the lesson you have been sent to this earth to learn. Learn your lesson and have courage to open to a new step in life. Each step is like a new birth. It takes courage, but it is worth the risk. 

Question No. 2

“I have one burning (technical) question about orgasm. 

I have a confusion about female genital release.

I am promoting some degree of sexual continence for men so they can conserve their sexual energy. Several male clients of mine dropped out of their attempts for sexual continence. The release is too addictive for many men. 

I feel it is a bit unfair for me as a woman enjoying my genital release without energetic loss. Well, it’s a divine gift from the universe, but..

My release is not partial, it always becomes a full-body orgasm. Still it is a release. When Tantric men talk about “not coming for 3 months, 6 months, or 3 years (which I feel is stupid) I just can’t imagine me not having genital release even for a month.

What bothers me is that there is indeed an addictive component to this explosive genital release.

Maybe the way I experience release will shift when I become capable myself of having a similar explosion through ‘energetic orgasm.’ I never had an explosive energetic orgasm as you demonstrate to us students, but more of shivering, vibrating, and utterly ecstatic orgasmic state. The closest I ever experienced this was in Mahamudra Meditation.

I saw in the online Master Lover Course of yours, you mention to men, “Change the way you do self-pleasuring, stop suddenly and do something else…” 

It seems amazing and I will try to do that. If you have any other recommendation to a woman addicted to her happy ending, I would love to hear that as well.”

Answer: Your question is really interesting and I am sure you are not alone in wondering about this subject.

It is important to understand a few things about the differences between men and women.

Men lose energy through genital release because they are giving out 500 million sperms plus vital fluids through their ejaculation. After ejaculation they need to rest and recharge.

Women do not lose energy through genital release. Usually, after orgasm, they remain on a hormonal high, ready for many more orgasms. They lose energy through menstruation. Vital energy is invested into the creation of a highly charged physical environment conducive to support new life in the womb. If pregnancy has not happened, a woman’s hormonal levels drop to almost zero and this causes menstruation. The experience is like a small death. The loss of energy is palpable and if she is in tune with her body she will feel the need to rest and recharge.

Both men and women can learn to experience full body orgasm without genital release. This becomes possible through the opening of the central channel, also known as the Kundalini channel. 

In men, this is a very important dimension of their sexuality, linking sex and spirit. You mention some men not ejaculating for 3 months or 6 months. In general, this is not healthy as it can lead to stagnation in the prostate. It is better if a man tunes into his natural physical cycle of ejaculation. Genital release is an automatic reflex in the body. To stop it through will is not healthy. However, it is also not healthy to overdo it. Many men are not able to discern the difference between what the body is asking for in terms of ejaculation and what their emotions or mind are asking for. 

Through Tantra practices, a man can learn to sense the difference between ejaculation which is done only for the sake of release of stress, or that which is done because it is time for his body to release. The amount the body needs will be much less than that of the mind or emotions. Because men are taught to repress emotions from a young age, a great deal of this repressed emotional energy will be channelled into genital release when they reach puberty. This may then become a fixed pattern in their sexuality leading to a cycle of over ejaculation, meaning they leak away their vital energy unnecessarily. 

To learn how to release emotions in a healthy way, is of paramount importance if a man would like to experience full body orgasm without ejaculation and the ability of ejaculatory choice. I use the term ejaculatory choice, because sometimes, there is nothing better than a pleasurable ejaculation. In moments of deepest love and intimacy, it can be the greatest of gifts to his beloved.

Energy has two movements, down and out for procreation and in and up for regeneration. As human beings, we have free will and can choose how we wish to experience our energy flow in the moment. Energy follows intent. An important aspect of sexual mastery is the ability to listen to the body and also, to listen to the soul. Between these, the river of life flows.

For a woman, it is important to tune her awareness to her menstrual cycle and through this to the moon, to the tides and to life seasons and cycles. She is attuned naturally to change and flow, including the flow of emotions. Her sexuality is an intricate music involving her body, emotions, mind and soul. A woman does not need to practice conservation of her orgasmic flow. Rather, she needs to involve more of her being into this flow. By allowing breath, movement and sound in her sexual expression, she will discover that her orgasmic flow is a portal into universal consciousness. 

A man’s sexuality tends to be more localised just around his genitals and therefore, he needs to learn how to expand his potential for full body ecstasy. If boys learn meditation from childhood, the central channel will already be open by the time they reach puberty. Therefore, it will be easy for them to experience full body orgasm already in their teenage years. For such persons, conservation of vital energy is easy.

For men who have not learned meditation previously, they will need to deprogram and then reprogram their sexuality as they learn to open up their central channel through meditation and Tantra.

You say: “I never had an explosive energetic orgasm as you demonstrate to us students, but more of shivering, vibrating, and utterly ecstatic orgasmic state.”

That certainly sounds like a full body orgasmic state to me! I sense that if you forget about orgasm, and instead, allow yourself to be orgasmic, this quality will spill over into all areas of your life. Then, you will simply be as you are meant to be as a woman. This orgasmic state of being will sometimes express itself as genital release, sometimes as full body orgasm without genital release, and sometimes as an orgasm with the universe!

Recently I met a woman who is orgasmic in all areas of her life. She described giving birth singing, as a full body orgasm experience. The potential of living orgasmically resides in every woman. You can discover it and live this most marvellous gift offered by nature. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *