Tantric Relationship – Sarita’s Blog

The couple (yamala) is consciousness itself, the unifying emission and the stable abode. It is the absolute, the noble cosmic bliss consisting of both Shiva and Shakti. It is the supreme secret of Kula; neither quiescent nor emergent, it is the flowing font of both quiescence and emergence.” 
 Abhinavagupta ( Tantraloka)

Relationship is an eternal puzzle. Nature had designed male and female to be opposite and yet complementary. However, humans tend to get locked into opposition rather than complementariness. We bring into the equation, our mind, conditioning and desire to overpower the other. The number one mistake many people make in relationship is trying to force our partner to change and become a carbon copy of ourselves. This will only serve to kill the sexual chemistry which relies on magnetic attraction of opposites. We need to bring our intelligence into sexuality, love and relating, accepting the other as he or she is and from that point, finding creative ways to enjoy bringing these opposites into harmonious union.

In fact, there are multiple ways how to ‘solve’ the puzzle of male female relationship.

1) Learn and understand how the male and female function and are designed, biologically, emotionally and spiritually. Apply this knowledge to your relationship dynamic. Read the books: Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love Solving the Mystery of Attraction by Allan and Barbara Pease / Vagina: A New Biography by Naomi Wolf / The Queen’s Code by Allison Armstrong / The Male Brain / The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine / Divine Sexuality by Ma Ananda Sarita.

2) Receive a Human Design session for you and your partner to discover if you are well matched or not. For example, if you have no electromagnetics in your combined charts, there is no chance you can be compatible sexually. If one of you has too many compromises to the other one, this will lead to one feeling very oppressed and the other one not understanding why the partner accuses him or her of being dominating.
If you are well matched but there are some challenges, there are many suggestions in a Human Design session how to help your relationship be understood and lived harmoniously. Contact madhuritourmaline@gmail.com to book a Human Design session.

In India, before Human Design was discovered, people used to (and many still do) rely on astrology to determine if a couple is well matched. Thus, the art of intimacy is bolstered by esoteric science, aimed at leading to a more harmonious outcome for a couple. However, because India leans more towards marriages arranged by the parents, the outcome is not always the optimal one.

Checking, through astrology or human design, whether this relationship has the possibility of longevity is a good idea. Otherwise, often people will choose a mate based solely on the passion they feel during the honeymoon phase. Then, when the nesting hormones kick in, this relationship may or may not be able to continue.

3) Practice Tantra together. Tantra Meditation methods, practiced in the couple, are the fastest path to Enlightenment, and it also requires supreme spiritual discipline. This path is best undertaken in the context of a Tantra Training for couples with experienced facilitators.

Some couples may be highly benefitted by reading about Tantra and doing the practices as they are offered in a book (such as my books, Divine Sexuality or Tantra Alchemy). I have also created an online course, Master Lover which you can follow step by step in the privacy of your own home.

However, for many couples, the easiest way to journey deeper into Tantra together is through a dedicated training, such as my Tantra Soul Mate Training for Couples. This is a seven-level journey, taking about 3 ½ years and comprising over 500 hours of theory and practice. There are a few facilitators (including me) in the Tantra Essence Faculty who teach this work. Because of this, you have the luxury of choosing to do the training either in Europe or in Asia. Usually there are two groups per year (in both east and west) and in-between groups there is a series of love appointments to be completed. These are very pleasurable homework assignments, to be practiced with your beloved in the bedroom!

If you don’t wish to commit to 7 levels with your partner, it is good to know that the training can be done one level at a time. You are at choice to continue or not after each level of the training.

The Optimal Way to Practice Tantra

For Tantra in relationship to be enjoyed at its optimum, it is best to complete a series of ‘Love Appointments’ and then, to let go of Tantra practice and just be ordinary for some time. After this time of being loose and natural, the couple can embark on a new series of Love Appointments. And after that series, let go.  This weaving together of the discipline of Tantra practice with the let go into ordinary relationship dynamics, ensures that the hedonistic and spiritual aspirations within us are honoured equally. This leads to the harmonious union of sex and spirit within, an attainment which offers us ultimate fulfilment.

Tantra for Couples; Taster:

For those who wish to have a taster of couples work in a group lasting just a few days, you can participate in Master Lover for Couples or Ocean of Bliss couple’s retreats. This is an exciting way to experience the potential of Tantra to completely reboot your sexual and relationship dynamics.

Tantra Relationship Follows Four Distinct Phases

1) Sexual Passion and the awakening of ascending kundalini; Tantra practices help us in moving our ecstatic life-force energy in and up into expanded states of consciousness.

2) Love and Devotion; the partner becomes the portal into a love affair with the whole.

3) Cosmic Consciousness; sex and samadhi become one.

4) Descent of Grace; you become receptive to the divine infusing all aspects of your life.

Recognising God and Goddess

As we move deeper into intimacy with our partner, we see beyond the persona and recognise the God or Goddess in this person. During Love appointments, we are able to move progressively into multi-faceted awareness and experiences of inner ecstasy, including the senses, emotions, kundalini, chakras and even more subtle movement of energies. We realise through Tantric lovemaking, that each cell of our body contains the entire universe.

Why Choose Tantra?

Some couples go into Tantra simply to improve their sex lives while others wish to find new ways to enjoy their intimacy. Some people carry sexual trauma and wish to heal this. Others may be sincere seekers who wish to reclaim sexual intimacy as sacred. Any reason a couple may choose to move on the path of Tantra together is a good reason. The Tantra path begins from wherever you are right now.

Sacred Sexuality

In a Tantra Relationship, we experience the body as sacred, sex and samadhi as one, as above so below. In fact, we are accessing the true potential of the sexual act. Sex can be the beginning of a new life and thus carries the imprint of the divine. Tantrikas enter the sexual act consciously, and by so doing, are able to meet the divine as the ‘open secret’ inherent in sexuality.

How Sacred Sexuality Got Repressed

It is actually a mystery how many people miss this open secret! If we look into our ancestral past, across many cultures, sex was considered sacred, particularly by indigenous, pagan, gnostic and eastern cultures. It is only in patriarchal religious traditions that the balance has leaned towards abolishing the divinity within sexuality. This has destroyed the joyful spirit of humanity and continues to lead us down a path of perversion of our glorious potential.

Tantra, A Vision for the Future

Any culture which views the feminine as the Goddess incarnate discovers multi-faceted bliss. Matriarchal cultures are generous in spirit, tuned to mother earth and see life as love. Tantra culture goes even further, discovering the harmonious balance of both male and female energies, leading to refined art and architecture, sexuality practiced as an art form, the blending of universal energy with our mundane life. Through this, the mundane itself becomes sacred. The world urgently needs the wisdom, equilibrium, beauty and ecstasy that Tantra offers. This is why I pour heart and soul into teaching this sacred, transformative lifestyle.

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