In Profile: Tantric Love-Making

Two couples talk about their experiences of Tantric love-making; how it has helped them to integrate sex, love and spirit, and how it has shaped themselves, their lives and relationships.


Frank and Miriam

For me, the main quality that comes from Tantric love-making is depth; more depth and  nuances of emotion than before. As if I suddenly sense more of what is “going on” under the surface and also I feel more transparent to my partner, more visible.

Practising Tantra gives sex a much more prominent place in my everyday life, but without any hint of obsession or dependency. Rather, it feels like it links me closer to my physical body in a safe and nurturing way.

In a love relationship there will almost always be some amounts of projection and “interferences” in the communication between lovers. Using the Tantra meditations and the techniques learned during the couples training, it feels as if I am suddenly less affected by these “interferences” and more able to stay aware in the present, which again is of great importance in order to be able to “see” your partner respond to them with love.

The meditations are an excellent aid in “dredging” up unsolved issues and making them available to work on. This is not altogether pleasant but very necessary and ultimately extremely spiritually enriching. The really interesting part is that during the Tantra meditations and love appointments the work can be so strenuous and emotionally challenging that it seems tempting to give in, and yet by mere perseverance the experience will gradually change, transforming both myself and the emotions so gradually that I can hardly notice it, yet I somehow find myself on the other side of what seemed like an insurmountable obstacle.

Tantric love-making definitely helps to integrate sex, love and spirit within me and in my life. It also gives me a greater sense of presence and self-awareness, and more ease and relaxation in my body and in relationship to others. I feel more at home in my self and I am also much happier!

Tantra widens you if you commit to it and as it does, new aspects of the personality bloom forth. It is the greatest gift in the world to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to walk into the unknown like this and to experience this new sense of intimacy and depth which the love meditations make possible. Also, through the work you have no chance of hiding the parts of yourself that you might otherwise deem not “correct enough” to show a lover; you are totally exposed in all your splendour and all your weaknesses, which builds the foundation of a completely new kind of relationship – a very enriching one.

I would not have expected to have experienced as much as I have through these courses and meditations, and the couples training is all about experience. You are never asked to take anything at face value, you try out everything and see what works for you and that is something I value extremely high; it is not about “believing” the right things or “trusting” someone to come and give you a ready-made solution. YOU do the work and if you do the reward is your own, whether you remain in the same relationship throughout your life or you later go your separate ways. The reward is there no matter what happens.

Making love can be a Tantric meditation! And the other way around also holds: a Tantric meditation can also be making love. When seen like this, I experience the Tantric love-making meditation as a way to be really, really, really present. Together. At the same time. Its impact on the joy and the feeling of wanting to love more.. and more, is tremendous. My experience of making love has definitely changed after including Tantric meditations in my life. The importance of ejaculation has gone, making me able to be there for and with my partner in a completely different way. In general, the Tantric meditations have raised my  consciousness and ability to be present – and so adding depth and intimacy to love-making.

Tantric love-making has definitely helped me to integrate sex, love and spirit in myself and in life. After beginning this journey of Tantra, I began to really see how empty sex can be without love and spirituality.  Tantric love-making has shown me that love doesn´t need to involve the sex organs, but it can, and that love between a woman and a man is a question about not having the need for the other person, but to be able to choose to be there for, and with, the other person. For me, spirituality is another word for consciousness. By doing the meditations and going through the processes, I found myself being more and more able to be present.

I entered my adult life with some unresolved issues. These issues had a serious impact on my love life, on my way of being the son of my parents – and on my way of being father to my two children. Due to the work in the Tantra courses, and to the Tantric love-making meditations, these issues surfaced – and disappeared. By doing these exercises, it is not possible for these things to remain in the body. So today, I find myself, in very important ways, acting differently as a partner, as a son – and as a father. And last, I also find myself being able to dance Tango, a great passion my beloved Miriam and I share, in a much more present, sensual and conscious way. For me, if making sex without love is porn, then making love without sex can be Tango.

Tantra meditations and love-making are tools to become a human that can experience heaven on earth. This is what Jesus talks about in the Gospel of Thomas, line 22, when talking about how to enter the Father’s kingdom:

“When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner like the outer and the outer like the inner, and the upper like the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female, when you make eyes in place of an eye, a hand in place of a hand, a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you will enter the kingdom”.



Antigoni and Nisarga

I credit Tantra, and Sarita’s work, as having changed my life. Three and a half years ago, I went on the Meditation Retreat at Osho Nisarga in India. At the time, my sexual expression was quite unhealthy and wounded, through abuse from others and from myself. I discovered that there was a healing aspect to sexuality, something I not only had not experienced before, but had not even considered. I discovered that sexuality also had a spiritual component, which further blew my mind. I started a relationship in that course which soon turned into a partnership and through the couples Tantra work that we have done with Sarita, I have found that for the first time, I can more and more merge sex and love, that inside me I don’t have to choose one or the other.

Tantra and Tantric love-making, have helped me to heal these wounds, empower myself, and break the walls of the compartments which were before sex, love, and spirituality, merging these into sexlovespirituality. My experience of sex and its higher dimensions has been life changing. My experience of love during sex has been more consistent, nourishing and empowering. And my experience of something higher than me has also started to flower. I’m happier, healthier, feel more integrated and less split. I’m no longer punishing myself and have a higher sense of self worth.

The very first thing we explored in Tantric sexuality together was playfulness! What a gift!!! And this quality continues through the meditations, our co-operation with one another and our creativity, as individuals and as a couple, for this project, our relationship!

I find that we are both more aware, of our minds, of our touch, of our selves, of our emotions, of our projections, of each other, during our Tantric dates. Making love without meditation is more on “automatic”. Not always, the Tantric meditations spill over, but we each find ourselves returning to automatic at some point without the Tantric awareness and centring.

Since starting the couples training I’ve certainly noticed a reduction in ego, and therefore more satisfying communication with each other as a couple. I also credit this couples Tantra work with a great awakening in my femininity, exactly where my wounding was, hence the transformation. Through this work I feel not only more comfortable in my own skin, as a woman, but also the feminine qualities which I suppressed in me for so long, which I now find nourishing and enriching. I’m so inspired by this aspect of the work that I started to host gatherings for women-only spaces. Each time I feel like I’m plugging myself into a wall socket and recharging, it is so so so so nourishing. Four years ago, it would have never occurred to me to even attend such a gathering! I’m more tender, softer, more feminine, and now I even have a longing for my partner and I to really be in that harmonious loop of giving and receiving, me embodying the feminine and him the  masculine. Four years ago, I would have felt so threatened, even offended by such a scenario.

I notice that Nisarga is more secure in himself and in our partnership, he is more honest with himself and me, he is more in his masculine centre and strength and more attentive to me. We are stronger as a couple, more committed to this project called love and transformation and grateful to one another for walking on this path together, for being the mirror, and the support, for our individual growth.

I don’t know if we would still be together if it wasn’t for this work. Certainly we would not be as satisfied as a couple. Tantric love-making has strengthened my commitment to myself, and to our relationship immensely. It is amazing how each level builds on the one before, and creates more  healing and opening. I am amazed at the levels to which I am reaching as a woman, as an individual, and as part of a couple.

Love making after practising a Tantric meditation, becomes simply meditation – it is deep union between me and my beloved, where I am able to experience myself and observe myself. I am more aware of my bodily sensations , my thoughts and emotions and meditating helps me stay in the moment and enjoy pleasure in the most orgasmic way while love making.

Tantric love making changed completely my experiencing of sex and love. I have better understanding of myself, but also much better understanding of polarities between male and female, which helps me understand my partner. Thanks to Tantra I realised that sex, love and spirituality are ONE element and co-exist together in great harmony. Now love making has a different quality – I am more relaxed, and at ease. All that helps me to be more present and enjoy sex in a meditative way, and that is one of the ways to connect with my heart and love. This makes my life more fulfilled and happy and I feel more alive and healthy.

Tantric love-making harmonises and heals my body and mind, bringing more peace. I feel energised, more vibrant, my body is more flexible and I have more joy and clarity in my life. I am taking responsibility for my decisions and for my emotions, which makes me feel more mature as a man.

Antigoni and I are becoming soul mates, both supporting each other on the journey. I am more sensitive to her needs and more aware of myself. I am very grateful I found someone who is willing to walk the same path and explore Tantra with me, I am in love with her and myself, I love our partnership.

One response to “In Profile: Tantric Love-Making”

  1. Malika says:

    Hello Miriam and Frank and Deepa and Nisarga
    The blogs of each one of you touches me very much. I see the tree of life which we have been nurturing through the Soul Mate Training, bearing fruit of indescribable sweetness. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

    Love, Sarita

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