Tantra Relationship: Sarita’s Blog

There is a saying in the world of Tantra: “Travelling the path of Tantra in love relationship is the fastest path to enlightenment, but it is like walking on a razor’s edge.”

I travel to 12 different countries each year to share the joy of Tantra. Everywhere I go, I find people preoccupied with one major subject; how to find, or how to develop and maintain, a fulfilling relationship? It has been and continues to be a very important aspect of my life’s work to discover and share the miracle of fulfillment that is possible in relationship with another.

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A couple on level 7 of the Soul Mate training in 2012

I have been most fortunate to have been coached in relationship by Osho, as he helped me to weave together Tantra, meditation, sexual exploration and deep diving into intimacy. I have been so blessed to explore relationship with some really amazing men who have been willing to travel with me to the furthest reaches of the ‘inner universe’, discovering the oneness that is possible in love. Because of my experience in this realm, I have developed an 8 level Tantra Training for couples, called the Soul Mate Training, which has been running successfully since 1998.

Unfortunately, the educational system most people go through does not prepare us for the all-encompassing subject of sexuality, love and relationship, let alone enlightenment. This is such a sad situation! Someone who works in the corporate sector recently told me that every time he passes by the desk of his single colleagues, he sees all of them, madly scanning dating sites instead of working. The need for sexual union and intimacy precludes almost all other needs in the human being. So why is it not being taught as a master key to life?

We all know that divorce is rampant. We have seen the hell marriage can become, in our families, and among our friends. It is time to wake up from the nightmare and give the important subject of relationship the attention it deserves! I am doing my best to spread the good news that harmonious love is possible, but quite frankly, this information needs to spread much faster and to a wider audience. People suffer unnecessarily! So many people have told me, after doing the soul mate training, “if only I had known this information when I was just starting out in life, it would have saved me years of confusion and suffering!”

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The true tenderness that comes from sacred union

The reason why sexual and relationship teachings are not widely available is simply because not many people truly understand the delicate art of sexuality and relationship and what it entails. We learn from our environment for the most part. If we have not seen sexual and relationship skills being demonstrated, when we reach sexual maturity we are left without any signposts in a foreign land. Initiation into sexuality is habitually done with the help of alcohol and drugs. And it goes downhill from there.

This sad state of affairs has come about because of sexual morality, which has crippled our ancestors for thousands of years. Making sexuality taboo has led to major distortions in the collective understanding about sexuality, including ignorance and perversions of all kinds. And this taboo mentality is not yet over, in spite of all the porno out there. Porno creates even more distortion, because it gives an unrealistic vision of what sex is. For the most part, it does not honour the feminine aspects within sexuality, nor does it portray intimacy and tenderness or how it really is when a man and woman merge their bodies’ hearts and souls. Porno is like a parasite, feeding on the ignorance, which has been bred, due to sexual inhibitions.

Why have the ancients of Tantra likened Tantra relationship to walking on a razor’s edge? I have investigated this deeply, and in a nutshell, it is because of emotions. A woman is made of contradictions, ruled by emotional fluctuations, which come and go in a cyclical pattern ruled by the changing moon. These emotional states, when coupled with sex, are so powerful that they can unhinge a man completely.

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Bringing awareness to emotional states

To bring awareness to emotional states appears a superhuman task. I believe that most spiritual masters have ignored relationship as a spiritual path because many masters have been men. They simply cannot be bothered to address the seemingly impossible conundrum of dealing with women’s emotional states and the resultant confusion it brings to the male psyche.

And in conjunction with this, many men are catapulted into life with no understanding of how to allow the power of their sexual drive to be expressed in an artful way. The art of sexual expression is developed by honouring our instinctual nature while at the same time opening the potential for super conscious states through the blending of sex and meditation.

The whole game offered by nature of lust, courtship and coupling is such a powerful energy that many masters would prefer to try and repress it, diverting this to so called ‘higher spiritual states’. It has been my experience over many lifetimes and having worked intimately with thousands of people, that suppression does not work. It is the ostrich approach, bury your head in the sand and hope the ‘enemy’ goes away. Lust will not go away because it is our basic life force! It is not our enemy! We need to say ‘yes’ to it and then learn how to work with it in an intelligent way instead of battling against it.



Osho is one of the very rare exceptions of a master who has embraced relationship as an integral part of spirituality, head on. Wow! What a master! Because of his compassion, I have been able to really go for it and discover whether it is possible to pass through the quagmire presented by emotional entanglements of all kinds, and use this as fuel for moving into higher spiritual states. And I have found that the answer is, YES!! That is the good news. But, it comes with a condition.

The condition is, it is essential to apply meditation and witnessing (the masculine path of spirituality) in conjunction with love and devotion, (the feminine path of spirituality) to the path of relationship. The male psyche naturally gravitates towards witnessing and meditation as a spiritual path. The female psyche naturally gravitates towards love and devotion as a spiritual path. When we combine both of these approaches, we have opened the door to Tantra.

The hot subjects of monogamy, polyamory, or other expressions of relationship, are all brought into the spacious realm of compassionate understanding, when we bring the light of meditation and love to relationships. And likewise, when you learn and practise Tantra, the sexual ecstasy you may have always dreamed of experiencing, manifests easily and naturally.

In ancient times, in Kashmir, India, (950AD—1020 AD) there was a great Tantra master named Abhinavagupta, who lived a normal worldly life while at the same time travelling the path of spiritual awakening. His pioneering efforts made it possible for others to use this gateway, leading to an acceptance in the Kashmiri Tantra tradition that love relationship can be used as a portal to enlightenment. Travelling this path includes using Tantra meditations as an integral part of relationship dynamics.

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Abhinavagupta says:

“Absolute consciousness is manifest here in every circumstance of daily life because it is everywhere full and perfect. Consciousness is said to be the cause of all things because it is everywhere emergent as each manifest entity.”

And another quote:

“The couple (yamala) is consciousness itself; the unifying emission and the stable abode. It is the absolute, the noble cosmic bliss consisting of both (Siva and Sakti). It is the supreme secret of Kula (the ultimate reality); neither quiescent or emergent, it is the flowing fount of both quiescence and emergence.”

The 12 protocols for Tantra in relationship are:

  • Loving yourself is a prerequisite to loving another.
  • Learn and practise meditation and simultaneously learn and practise devotion.
  • Learn how sexuality functions in the man and in the woman (which is exactly opposite and yet complementary).
  • Expand your pleasure and sexual power by learning to breathe fully and deeply, to move your body fluidly and to experience full body sound.
  • Learn how to experience emotional fluidity and to be comfortable expressing emotions.
  • Learn the subtle science of the chakra system and Kundalini energy and how this is experienced differently in the male and female energy system.
  • Learn and practise meditations, which can be done as a couple before or during sexual union.
  • Learn and develop talent for giving massage.
  • Learn to dance wildly.
  • Find ways to become more playful and spontaneous.
  • Give and receive love in many varied ways.
  • Remember and demonstrate that your body and the body of your beloved is a temple and your environment is sacred.

Many times, people ask me, “How can I find a Tantra partner?” The answer is simple. When you meet someone you are attracted to, ask him or her if they will be willing to practise Tantra meditation with you. If they look shocked, scared or disgusted by this idea, then this person is not going to be a fulfilling partner.

If this person is excited and curious, then you can make Tantra dates, and begin your exploration. If you cannot find a Tantra group for couples in your area, use a Tantra book with exercises and meditations in it that you can try out. This is a good beginning! I have written two books on Tantra with many meditations and exercises in them, and there are also many other books on the market, which have great practices to try.

We are living in an amazing phase of human evolution. There are sooo many resources out there. And remember, I have 10 people in my team and we can be invited to teach anywhere in the world. All you need is an organiser, a venue and a group of people who want to learn Tantra.

I call walking the path of Tantric relationship, “The journey of a lifetime.” When you experience ‘rising in love’, (rather than falling in love) everything else in life becomes pale in comparison. Life and love can finally flower into the joy it was meant to be.

“If two meditators share their energies, love is a constant phenomenon. It does not change. It has the quality of eternity; it becomes divine. The meeting of love and meditation is the greatest experience in life. And only in the meeting of love and meditation, the duality of man and woman, the inequality of man and woman, disappears.”

Osho, The Rebellious Spirit

Love Sarita

One response to “Tantra Relationship: Sarita’s Blog”

  1. Prem Adhiraj / Nick Silk says:

    Love you Sarita. You speak my heart & soul. Aloha

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