Ask Sarita: Love

Sarita loves to answer your questions, so if there’s something you’d like her advice on, please email her and let her know if you are happy for it to be published (you can remain anonymous). Here she answers questions on: love


Dear Sarita,

I’ve realized that until now I’ve always been in relationships sharing of a big neediness for love, and huge fears around rejection and abandonment.

What I feel now is that my heart desires to meet the other person in a different space where I feel beautiful and full as a woman, and most of all where I feel connected to my own source of love within, where I’m warm, compassionate and caring for myself and for others, where I don’t beg for love anymore but I become a fountain of love myself.

I’ve then decided to be single for a while, but something I’m missing and wondering about is my sexual life. And I mean both the intimacy and the sexual act. How can I learn to be intimate with myself and to give myself sexual pleasure? I remember you talking about the “wild and passionate honeymoon” you had with yourself in India…what advice would you give me to get there?

Thank you very much Sarita

Love and Blessings



Hello Colette,

Yes, you are right, it is a good idea to find your capacity for self-love and orgasmic joy, and then, when you approach a man or men, you will be able to come from a place of empowerment and overflow rather than being a beggar for love. There are a few different ways to do this:

1) Make a date with yourself. Prepare the whole day mentally and emotionally, as you would for a date with a man. Bathe and dress up in your finery. Compliment yourself. Then take yourself on a lovely date, maybe to the cinema, or the theatre, or an elegant dinner, whatever would really help you feel uplifted. Savour the evening with full on compliments to yourself, as you would compliment a lover.

When you come back home, have a drink and a slow dance, and then take yourself to bed, slowly undress, and make passionate love to yourself. Go into full ecstatic expression, taking time to liberate and express yourself with voice, movement, and emotions.

It may be that one such date is enough to really enhance your experience of self-love. Or, you may need several dates, a kind of courtship of yourself.

2) Another possibility is to have a three day honeymoon with yourself. Go to a beautiful place, expressly for this purpose, and do nothing else but discover the profound art of adoring yourself, body and soul.

Love Sarita

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