Sarita’s Blog – Tantra, Sacred Sexuality and Relationship

The dramas, traumas and ecstasies about love, sex and orgasm have filled the pages of countless books, sparked reams of poetry and an infinite number of songs. Film plots are based mainly on these subjects and we find flimsily clad women adorning the covers of magazines.

A Pagan Festival Devoted to Sex

The titillating joy of orgasmic fulfillment had a festival devoted to it during pagan Rome. During this festival, adolescent boys could pick the name of an adolescent girl out of an urn and subsequently they would spend 3 days exploring the joys of sexual union. After those three days, they could decide if they would like to spend 1 year together and after one year, if they felt good together, then they could consider marriage. Various Popes had to work very hard to transform this festival into what we now know as St. Valentine’s Day! It took them at least 200 years to make the change because the local people were very attached to their orgiastic sexual initiation festival.

Sex and Accelerated Learning

It is interesting to note that in the Accelerated Learning method, it has been found that even a mention of sex will immediately awaken all senses and this in turn sparks our brains to become more active, alert and receptive to the subject being studied. In accelerated learning methodology, a person will be taught for a period of 20 minutes with all five senses being used in the learning process. This is then followed by a sexually oriented joke which enlivens the student and helps the learning to be absorbed faster. The student then lays down and listens to Baroque music for 20 minutes, which sends the information the person has learned into the deepest part of the brain. Following this protocol, a person can learn up to three times faster than normal.

It is natural that even thoughts of sex help activate all bodily functions. The glandular system in the brain rules over the sexual response of our genitals. This fact means that when there is a sexual thought or sexual fantasies, all body systems are awakened. This helps a person to feel more alive. Of course, as with anything in life, this God given energy can be used in a negative and life destructive way or in a positive life affirmative way. Porn is a good example of a destructive use of sexual energy and Tantric sexual practices are a good example of a creative and life affirmative use of sexual energy.

The Biology of Sexuality in Men and Women

According to studies done on human biology: the sexual response is wired differently in heterosexual men and women and understanding these differences is crucial for sexual fulfilment.


  • Can enjoy sex without love, as a recreational activity.
  • Can enjoy sex, bonded with intimacy and love.
  • Thinks about sex approximately twice in one hour.
  • Undresses women in his mind because his brain is wired to desire to see women’s body parts as a form of stimulation for his sex hormones. (This is why the porn industry is able to prey on men and get men addicted to this destructive habit.)
  • It takes him approximately 3 minutes to move from a flaccid state to full erection, ready for ejaculation.
  • After one ejaculation he needs to rest and recharge as he just released approximately 500 million sperm.
  • Is in general ever ready for sexual union (unless he has recently ejaculated) as his sexuality is visually based and just seeing an attractive ovulating woman gets him revved up and ready for sex.
  • In order to be aroused by a woman, she needs a hip to waist ratio of 0.7 which indicates fertility.
  • Testosterone levels gradually diminish with age and therefore, his ability to get erections and engage sexually will diminish with age unless he practices Tantra conservation of semen methods.
  • Has a tendency, to experience local genital orgasms and if he learns Tantra methodology, can develop his ability for full body orgasms with or without ejaculation.


  • Cannot separate sex from love.
  • Thinks about romantic love and sexual union approximately once per hour.
  • Yearns to bond in deepest intimacy, body heart and soul with her sexual partner.
  • Needs an emotional and spiritual connection with a partner in order to feel sexually fulfilled.
  • Gets addicted to her partner’s sperm as it contains a cocktail of antidepressant chemical which make her high. With this comes attachment to the partner and adaptation to his way of being, physically, mentally and emotionally.
  • Needs approximately 20 minutes of erotic and romantic play before penetration in order for her clitoral network to be aroused enough to receive her partner’s lingam.
  • Commonly needs 3-6 orgasms before she feels sexually satisfied.
  • After orgasm, remains on an orgasmic plateau for approximately 20 minutes, ready for more orgasms.
  • Her desire for orgasm is ruled by her moon cycle and therefore, she is attracted to sex for different reasons at different times of the month.
  • As long as her health is maintained, she can have multiple orgasms into her 90’s and beyond.
  • She is able to experience a wide range of orgasmic pleasure, including, localised clitoral orgasm, G-spot orgasm, cervical orgasm, multiple orgasm, chain orgasm, full body orgasm and amrita.

How to Find Sexual Harmony Between Men and Women

From reading this you may wonder how it is actually possible to bridge the glaring differences in men and women and if sexual harmony is actually achievable? There is certainly no use berating ‘God’ for the ‘great injustice’ of how our bodies and sexual chemistry are designed. What we can do, is understand the differences and work with these differences intelligently.

Tantra is an art and a science which helps us in bridging the differences. In fact, through Tantra we discover that men and women are complementary opposites. We fit together like lock and key. Of course, if you use the wrong key, the door will not open. And this is what men and women have been doing during the long ages of patriarchy, using the wrong key. Naturally, things got very screwed up. We have in a sense been breaking the door down out of frustration that our key has not been working.

Here are some tips to help in discovering the right key for heterosexual relationship.

For Men to Learn

Approach sex with a woman as you would approach a very refined musical instrument. Tune the instrument, listening carefully to the sounds and find exactly the right toning before you begin playing music. This means, enter into romantic and erotic play before you move into penetration of her yoni. A woman responds to your presence very profoundly.

Just lying in your arms imbibing your scent and feeling your strength can be a deeply fulfilling experience for her. She responds sexually to soft lighting and beauty in the surroundings. She responds to compliments, poetry, dance, ritual and gift giving. These forms of erotic play are wired into her sexual chemistry.

When she is in complete arousal she is then really ready to receive you in your wild sexual animal. Before complete arousal, she can at the most accommodate you, but this will not be fulfilling for you or her.

To become a master lover, explore the phenomenon of forgetting about any goal and just being present with her in deep love and adoration, whether you are in penetration or not. This will lead to a profound circulation of your energies, yin and yang. It is when yin and yang come into a full circle together that deepest sexual fulfillment is achieved.

In general, a woman is more attracted to a man who lives in financial abundance or at least lives in comfort and ease. If he is like a hungry wolf who does not have his act together in the play of life, even if she loves him, she will tire of him. This is because it is hardwired in a woman’s biology to seek out a mate who is a good provider.

Find positive ways she can surrender to your masculine charms. Learning some form of dance, such as Salsa or Tango and taking her out dancing, in a milieu where she can dress up and surrender to you in public and through the dance, is one of the best ways you can find harmony in your relationship. Learning massage is another way you can really nurture a positive relationship. When a couple does regular massage exchanges it engenders deep fulfilment in all areas of their lives.

Creating romantic surprises is also a way to win the heart of a woman. Let it be something she and you will both enjoy and something that helps her surrender to you. It can be as simple as rose petals in a fragrant bath or as complex as a surprise trip to Paris. Be endlessly creative and inventive in your ability to surprise her and your relationship will always be fresh and alive with passion and joy.

A woman longs to surrender to you and if she senses you are not in your masculine strength, and therefore she cannot surrender, she will become bitchy instead. She is not against you being vulnerable, and indeed, true manhood is a blend of power and vulnerability, but if you are never able to step up into individual mastery, then she will not be able to respect you fully. She longs to love, adore and respect you, so a wise man will find ways to step into the fullness of who he can be.

Learning Tantra together is one of the very best ways to help your relationship and your sexuality to evolve to a whole new level. In Tantra, sexuality, love and relating includes a spiritual dimension where two opposites become one.

For Women to Learn

Adore his lingam as God. Sense that as you touch his genitals you are in prayer. When he feels your worship of his power for procreation, his heart will automatically open to you.

When you have worshipped his lingam, then you may like to spread this erotic and devotional energy all over his body through massage. Admire his muscles, his chest, his scent. Surrender in his arms.

Do not chase him. It is in the man’s nature to chase the woman. Let him know through body language and subtle signs that you are receptive to his charms. Magnetise him with alluring and seductive ways without overwhelming him.

Enjoy your femininity in his presence. Don’t try to copy him by become manly. Be fully in your femininity. The more feminine you are, the more magnetic attraction there will be between you.

If there is a need to inform him about what you like and need sexually, it is better to share this before you are in sexual union. Have an honest sharing session in which you divulge how you like to be touched and aroused and ask him to tell you honestly how he likes it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and this will help him to also open in his vulnerability. When speaking to him it is better to tell him what you like rather than what you don’t like. He wants to please you, so if you let him know what you like he will do his best to fulfil that.

A man is naturally hardwired to enjoy receiving services from his woman, such as lovingly prepared food, massage, erotic dance (which he can gaze on in adoration and wonder of your beauty) and a home environment which is pleasing to his senses.

On the other hand, he really needs to retreat to his man-cave from time to time, doing nothing and thinking nothing. At these times, it is not a good idea to harass him and ask him what he is thinking or feeling. It is hard for a woman to conceive that to be alone and unthinking is one of the primary ways a man recharges himself. She tends to believe he is hiding something from her. Just relax in these moments.  Probably one of the primary reasons why meditation was developed is because men need to be in silence and no-thought on a regular basis. It is a conscious version of the man cave. An unconscious and negative version of the man cave is vegging out in front of the TV.

Another very important aspect of a juicy relationship with a man is for the woman to pay attention to her physical body, to nurture and care for herself, to keep fit and to enjoy being a beautiful goddess. Receive regular facials, pedicure, manicure, and take good care of your hair. Keep a healthy diet and exercise in ways that bring you joy. Keep your 0.7 waist to hip ratio and this will ensure that even after menopause he will still find you attractive. Most important, love yourself, love your body and stay creative. Remember, his sexuality functions through his eyes. He is biologically programmed to admire attractive women. Beauty comes from within so the most important aspect of being beautiful is feeling your beauty in all that you are and all that you do.

The Power of Biology

There is a trend in the world which offers the belief that men and women are the same and that there should be no difference in how they are treated. This goes against millions of years of biology. No matter what we believe, or how we act, our biology rules us from underneath. When we go against it, we will have the tendency to live a miserable life. When we sincerely try to understand our biology and work with it in a conscious way, we will be rewarded by discovering a life of bliss.

One obvious example is that of the menstrual period. With the onset of menstruation, hormonal levels suddenly drop to almost zero and the woman will feel extremely tired and have a strong need to rest in silence. If we ignore these signs from the body, the menstruation will be very painful and the woman will tend to get super emotional. If she represses these bodily messages with pills, she is asking for trouble down the line.

An obvious example for a man is that of post ejaculation. He needs to rest and recharge. If it is demanded of him to jump up and run a marathon right after his ejaculation, he will do damage to himself because he is not listening to his natural impulse to rest.

As with everything in life there are exceptions to the general rule, but in my many years of teaching couples and individuals around the world, in my experience, what I have written in this blog is 99.9% correct.

Learning Authentic Tantra

Learning Tantra is fun! Whether you are a couple or single, there is an abundance of treasures you can gain as you move into the world of Tantra. One thing I would like to bring to your attention as a caution is: if a Tantra teaching has meditation as its backbone, then it is authentic Tantra. If the teaching is only based in sexuality, it is not authentic Tantra. The teachings that are only based in sexuality tend to move into a downward spiral where people may get entangled into abuse stories, and the feminine nature may get side-lined. This happens because the light of awareness is not being shone into the unconscious animal instinct within. The light of awareness can only manifest through meditation.

In Tantra, the feminine path of love and devotion is honoured as equally as the masculine path of meditation and witnessing. When these two paths meet, there is an alchemical unity of opposites, leading to powerful spiritual awakening. Tantra is based on the practice of methods of meditation. These methods use our physicality as a portal into expanded consciousness. A Tantra meditation may include senses, emotions, sexuality, chakras, kundalini, five elements, and so on.

Tantra and Sacred Sexuality

The techniques of Sacred Sexuality in Tantra are an amazing way to open up your full human potential. There is a saying in Tantra that travelling the path as a couple is the fastest way to enlightenment, and yet it is like walking on a razor’s edge. This is true! It takes great awareness, love and patience to effectively travel the path of Tantra as a couple. And, it is well worth the effort! What you can experience on this path is beyond your wildest dreams. It is a path offered by nature, meaning it is very close and accessible. We simply need to apply ourselves to the practice of Tantra methods while making love, to discover the secret.

I have been teaching 7 levels of training to many couples since 1998. It is called the Tantra Soul Mate Training. I am always in awe of the transformation which happens for couples on this path. I also developed a shorter group called Master Lover which offers a specific transmission very valuable for the sexual life of couples. In addition to this, I co-created a wonderful Tantra Mystic Massage Training which is a fabulous methodology for couples to explore their relationship and their sexuality through massage. All of these groups and trainings are on offer every year.

In addition to this, I offer a group called Sacred Sexuality which is designed for singles and couples to experience the huge benefits of Tantra.

Tantra exploration is a revelation no matter where you are at in your sexual and spiritual development. Come and join us!


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