Three different questions – Ask Sarita

Question 1: “I am considering having a vasectomy. I am 46 years old and – although it looks young for such an important operation – I have the firm conviction that having children is not for me. I really do not wish it in my life. I cherish freedom to the max. And I am very happy with all the lovely moments with my nieces and the children in my family and of my friends.
As my girlfriend does not consider taking any contraception (pills or others) and does not want children too, this option “vasectomy” came as a possibility for me. Condoms are really a pain and even if I am not ejaculating, I do not wish to take any risk. Pulling out is only efficient as a contraceptive 78% of the time according to studies.

Therefore, here are my questions:

Which contraceptive ways would you recommend?

Very important question: Would such vasectomy impact my energy level, my tantric path, as my semen canal would be cut?

Any advice is most welcome, as I want to take my responsibility in not having children.”

Answer: It is good if you read my book Divine Sexuality especially the pages where birth control is spoken about.

Biology is a very powerful engine that drives many life choices. It is necessary to work with nature in a way that biology is satisfied and at the same time, that your choice to have or not to have children is honoured. This is really delicate!
I have been in three long term relationships where the man had a vasectomy. On one hand it was very relaxing and without worries in regards to pregnancy. On the other hand, after sometime, the womb begins to feel cheated….something subtle and yet important is felt be missing on a biological level (from the side of the woman).

I have met other women who expressed something similar to me.

There is another way, but it takes dedication and patience. It is a multifaceted approach.
1) Learn ejaculatory choice through Tantra.
2) Your woman should keep a moon diary and get to know her cycle intimately. She needs to be very aware when she is fertile through her ovulation. She can also have a device (available in the pharmacy) which measures the temperature and can accurately say when the danger zone of the month is happening. At these times, use condoms or she can use a honey cap over the cervix, or both.

Pulling out is not the best option because a subtle anger will develop over time, in both the male and the female as the biology will be saying, “I cannot succeed in delivering my seed with this person, or in receiving the seed of this person.”

I know it is depressing to contemplate just how lame the whole subject of birth control is in our society. We have so many technological advancements, but the simple subject of birth control has not yet been tackled adequately. Most of the methods are really harmful, especially for women.

In actual fact, Tantra offers some of the best options, with the whole subject of Tantra meditations, conservation of semen methods, and deep awareness in regards to the moon cycle.

I am not saying to you not to get a vasectomy. But I do suggest to go into the subject of birth control with wide open eyes, understanding the subject from many angles and choosing the best angle for you and your partner.


Question 2: “I am a 21-year old guy. I actually never masturbated during my teenage years. However, I usually had wet dreams then.
Last year I masturbated for the first time in my life (curiosity). Since then, it has become a habit. I masturbate every 3 to 4 days now. Sometimes I masturbate up to 3 times per day and I am not able to control my sexual urge.
It has often happened with me that I’ll take a vow like: “This is the last time. I’ve had enough. I’m never masturbating again.”
But, within a few days I’m masturbating once again.
I’m not even against masturbation or sexuality. I have no problem making love to my future partner. 
It’s just that I’d like to choose the moments when I’m sexual. It’s like when Osho says, “Become a master of yourself”.
Whenever I take a vow, and fail to deliver (this is happening repeatedly), there is this feeling of guilt. I feel guilty because I failed to deliver on a promise I gave to myself.
What can I do?”

Answer: Masturbation is natural. You are probably doing it to an extreme because you denied your sexual urges as a teenager. Instead of telling yourself not to masturbate, it is better to tell yourself, “Everything within balance”.

Find balance in your eating, balance in thinking, balance in sexuality, balance in emotions. The best way to find balance is through meditation.
When you masturbate, let it become a sacred ritual done in the light of full awareness and self-loving.

Discover your body’s natural need in regards to sexuality and you will discover equilibrium and through this, bliss.


Question 3: “I feel so alone, having been alone my entire life. Sometimes I lose my trust and belief in the divine because of this. 

Well, basically I haven’t yet met a man who truly loves me (except my first love at 18 years old). 

I know I am loved by existence. But I feel so lonely as a human. I wonder if it’s better to be a bride of God?

Should I just keep growing in self-love, develop flirting skills (lol), focus on being loving to others, be love as much as I can, cultivate good judgement, and just wait… Nothing else to do? But I am exhausted with myself not being able to attract lasting and devotional love…

How can I keep motivating myself in walking the path of love, alone?”

Answer: If we look at the whole history of humanity, this is one of the worst times for people to find lasting partnership. The male female roles are in confusion. Many people don’t even know if they are male or female, let alone if they are ready for relationship! And then there is porn…
Many men prefer porn to an actual human interaction!

There is nothing wrong with you, there is something very wrong with the world at large! Please remember this when contemplating the situation you find yourself in. And yet, we can see that some people, in spite of these issues, do find lasting and fulfilling love. You can certainly be one of them!

Of course, if we wish to find lasting love on the outside, we need first and foremost to find self-love. Then, instead of loneliness we will be able to experience aloneness, which is different than loneliness. With aloneness, we experience a marvellous love affair with all of life! We become interdependent rather than dependent. We come to experience all-one-ness instead of loneliness.

I think it will be inspiring for you to read the book, ‘Around the World in 80 Dates.’ In this book, the author has arranged with friends around the world to set up 80 dates for her. It is a fascinating story of eliminating the odds against finding a mate; it is basically a numbers game. After a certain amount of meetings, existence is bound to provide the real deal.

And I think it will be very good to develop flirting skills. It is also good to take definitive steps to help manifest your true love. You can do the series of soul mate sessions with Siobhan: 

And I think it is also good if you do some speed dating. Tantric Speed Dating exists! Check it out! Go for it!

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