Where All The Men Have Gone? – Ask Sarita

Question: “I am a 35-year old woman. For as long as I can remember, I have been dreaming of finding my soul mate. However, my search has proved so far to be futile. There is always something that goes wrong. Either the men I meet are into polyamory or are hooked on some substance, or even worse, are into porn.

I really can’t understand what is going on and am so frustrated. I am told I am a beautiful woman, I am passionate about yoga, healthy lifestyle and ecstatic dance. But I can’t help wondering where all the men have gone? Or I wonder if there is something wrong with me? Why, oh why, do relationships come to nothing but disappointment?

Answer: I feel for you! Just today, I had a charming encounter with a man in Ubud. He was wearing something like a King’s cape, a dream of masculine grandeur. We recognised each other from a festival and we chatted for a few minutes. He asked me what I was doing and I replied I am soon to be teaching a three-week Goddess Essence Teacher Training. He blurted out, “And what about something for men? We men also need guidance! Please create a training for men on how to become our best potential!”

I replied, “Yes, many men have asked me this same question. I am thinking seriously about creating a training for men.” For years I have been thinking it should be spiritually evolved men creating men’s trainings. But perhaps this friend is right…perhaps men need to hear truths about themselves from the lips of a woman. Maybe they got damaged or confused by their mothers and healing will happen by receiving keys for opening their true potential from a wise woman….

We are living in confusing times. It is not the easiest phase in history to discover and live the experience of soul mates. The good news is, yes, it is possible, but there may be hurdles to actualising this experience.

I will name the hurdles and how to melt them.

1. Biology being tricked: Biologically speaking, men have two compartments in the brain, one which seeks intimacy and close bonding and the other which seeks opportunist sex. Women on the other hand have only one compartment, where sex and love are inseparable one from the other. This is further compounded by the fact that a man’s ejaculate fluid is an addictive drug for the woman. Nature has cunningly made it so, that she will crave to bond with this man who has ejaculated inside of her yoni. And simultaneously, she will feel love arising for this man. 

The biological pull for a man to bond deeply with a mate or to bond with his child, is being usurped by porn, by the philosophy of polyamory, by hormonal birth control which confuses biological signals, and by the general mayhem of a society that demands instant gratification. In short, there is confusion on multi levels about men’s role in today’s world. The quickest way to heal this in my opinion is for men and women to be introduced to authentic Tantra, meaning Tantra that is based in the practice of Tantric meditation methods. Through Tantric meetings and meditations, an inner alchemy takes place which is so fulfilling that people experience an awakening and a remembering of their true nature very rapidly.

2. Self-hatred: Both men and women are being conditioned to hate themselves. It is very common these days for boys to be raised by single mothers. For a boy to mature into manhood it is vital he receives an imprint from a strong male role model. If he doesn’t have this and is further influenced by a single mother to mistrust men, he will find it difficult to discover his manhood. Mothers may tell their sons; “Don’t be like that bastard, your father.” Or she may impress on him not to be like “that louse of a boyfriend who betrayed me.” In this milieu he will grow up very confused about his sexuality. He will tend to repress his masculinity and to become the ‘perfect man’ his mother always dreamed of, i.e. a hairy ‘woman’!

Women on the other hand are conditioned to hate themselves physically. Women are taught by media to always find something wrong with their bodies, something that needs ‘fixing’ by cosmetics, or surgery. To heal these issues, it is best if men can go and participate in Men’s Tantra groups led by someone who is steeped in positive masculinity. And for women, it will be deeply healing to participate in women’s groups, with teachers who help women to discover their divine feminine empowerment.

3. No container for love to flower: In our times, marriage has melted down and there is nothing to replace it. People are struggling to find out what direction to take in terms of love and sex. Multi possibilities are on display, dating apps / play parties / polyamory / porn / long distance relationships / marriage and divorce / handfasting / etc. Just as we walk into a mall and find every conceivable item we could desire, love and sex have been relegated to a shop in a mall. We literally ‘go shopping’ for sexual partners. For men, this may feed their compartment in the brain seeking opportunist sex while inhibiting the compartment for deeper bonding. For women, it is a disaster. 

The healing for this is: every potential partner you meet, ask him if he is into Tantra meditation. If he says “no” walk away. If he asks why, just tell him that Tantric men are the best lovers and you choose not to engage with men who are not into Tantra. If more and more women answer like this, it won’t take long for more men to get into Tantra. 

Once you meet a man who is into Tantra, get a Human Design session done to make sure you are compatible. You can contact madhuritourmaline@gmail.com for this. And find out if your potential partner is ready to discover Couples Tantra. If he is, you can both join my ‘Tantra Soul Mate Training for Lovers’ (in 7 levels). This will be a pure revelation for both of you. To experience the phenomenon of the soul mate, what is needed is to discover a harmonious meeting in all 7 chakras between both of you. As Osho says: “Tantra is the science of turning ordinary lovers into soul mates. It can transform the whole earth; it can transform each couple into soul mates. It is one of the greatest treasures that is lying there, unused. The day humanity uses it, the earth will become aglow with a new love.” (Osho, Philosophia Perennis, Vol1)

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